This endless cycle; will it ever end? Do I even want it to end? If I did, then I would have figured this out by now, right? I thought these same questions every night right before the day ends and tomorrow is about to become today.

The day always starts the same. I wake up in Kylee’s room, this girl that I hooked up with last night, and she is fumbling through clothes that are spread out on the floor. She’s rushing because she woke up late for class. I know every single thing that is going to happen to her before it even happens and her day always ends up the same no matter how hard I try to prevent it.

She dies.

“Oh you’re awake,” Kylee said.

I was just looking at her, sitting half way up on her bed. She looked at me since I didn’t respond and furrowed her eyebrows.

“Is there something on my face? Or did our nightly activities make you already mesmerized by me?”

I chuckled. “You could say its something like that,” I reply.

At this point she was hopping on one leg trying to put her last sock on.

“Okay well as much as I would like to go for round two, I really need to get to class. You can stay or leave, I don’t care, but make sure to just lock the door on your way out.”

“Will do.”

And with that she left, the door slowly closing behind her. I could never figure out who or what exactly kills her, I just know that I am somehow in this time loop for a reason and it probably has something to do with her, being that I start this day with her. Every day it’s different. Sometimes it ends with her getting hit and the driver runs, or she gets so wasted at this party she goes to that she drowns in the pool, or she falls off the roof because of her dumb drunk self deciding to climb to the top for who knows what reason. Last night I tried my best to not let her even go to that party, and we went to go look at the starts near this empty field. Turns out she’s allergic to spiders and of all things to bite her, it was a spider. By the time the ambulance came or if I rushed her there, she was already dead.

I am so tired of seeing her die...but I can’t ignore it and when I do, the cycle still continues and I am left waking up to her every morning.

At this point, I am thinking this might just be my hell. Maybe I am going to be left here to suffer and constantly witness this poor girls death for eternity, knowing that there’s nothing I can do to stop it. Maybe...I am the one that’s supposed to die instead. That’s the first time I thought about it like that. Only one way to find out if its true. I need to be with her at the exact moment she is supposed to die, 11:15 p.m.

I finally get out of bed and find my clothes off the floor. I usually know where they are but somehow each time Kylee shuffles through these clothes she manages to move it differently each time, so my clothes are not always in the same spots. After getting dressed I took a picture of the the address to the party she goes to from a flyer on her desk. I went to my dorm room and showered and then I just waited. there was no sense in going to class because I was going to die right? Death is a bit scary to think about, but what other choice do I have? And I would rather die then to continue living like this. It becomes rather lonely.

When the party came I waited for her to leave the party like she usually did at eleven. She would start to walk aimlessly down the street from the frat house the party was at. I waited at the street the car would hit her and I just prayed that this would end fast. She started to cross the street and I saw the car coming for her. I ran and pushed her out of the way and let the car impact me. Her scream was the last thing I heard before I faded away.