My best friend of 13 years was getting married in 3 days . I thought this day would never come. Two fiancés later this one was it. I’ve never seen some one so in love before.

Even though I have been married for 14 years to my high school sweet heart I dont think I’ve ever been in that kind of love. Sure I’ve had boyfriends before him but I’ve never felt that way about any of them not even my husband Cullen. I know I love him but not like Tammy loves Robin. That was the fairytale love every little girl dreamed of.

I meat Tammy when we where seniors, Cullen was really close friends with her boyfriend Hunter at the time. 5 months before graduation I found out I was pregnant, Hunter told Cullen his girlfriend Tammy found out she was pregnant a month later. They introduced us and we clicked instantly. The guys driffed apart but Tammy and I never did even after she had broken up with Hunter.

Hunter was fiancé number one, she was head over heels for him…it’s true those where her exact words. They say boys become men when they become a father. Phssshh not this guy, Hunter had a problem being faithful and loooved to party. Even though Tammy was “head over heels in love” she loved herself enough to know that he was not the one. Not her fairytale Prince Charming.

Cullen and I moved into our own place before the baby was born. We couldn’t afford much since we didn’t have much money, our parents helped as much as they could. I stayed behind after graduation, Cullen thought it would be best to put college on hold till we figured out our living situation and me being close to my due date and all. So Tammy and I fixed up our little shack and turned it into a cozy little cottage where we spent our months nesting. She would come over everyday even straight after work. We’d order pizza, lay on our sides of the couch with our blankies and pillows. We’d nap and watch scary movies all day. I had a strong feeling she spent her days with me because she was lonely. I know how much she wanted the house, marriage, little family and love life. But it’s okay, because I was only too.

Cullen was often gone, he was either working or at the community college. It was for us I would tell myself , he wanted us to have a good life which I was thankful for.

But I envied Tammy sometimes. Just to be so free and knowing what she wanted in her life. To make a life for herself to become some one. She did that and raising Amy full time. Very proud bestie here, she did the damn thang!

Hunter had Amy two weekends out of the month , Amy adores him . But I still think he’s a douche bag. So Tammy got to get out there in the world till she found Robin. He’s just perfect, great with the kids and Amy couldn’t be happier. I am truly happy for them. So here I am at 2am in the freaking morning hot glueing flowers, twigs and strings of beads to glass vases for the center peices on the tables. I already told her I’m stealing one . I did all this work I deserve it. Perfect for my bookshelf.

Chapter two

The day is finally here, and I am on auto pilot. As usual, I’m either mom, wife, or best friend to Tammy. There’s not much to me, since I don’t even know who I am as a person. Who even am I?? I couldn’t tell you one thing about me if you asked. I know that’s why I’m so down in the dumps today. I hate big events. Who am I kidding even little ones, like dinners with Cullens friends. I always have to meet a new girl friend or even wives. Those are excruciating, at least at bigger function no one notices I’m missing. I can just stear a conversation to another person and I slip out just walk away not even missed. Or busy about cleaning or something. Anything to not have to speak about my non existing life. Or listen to someone drone on and on about their life and suddenly I know to much about them. Thankfully when the kids are around I have the excuse of “oh little Timmy fell in a well! Gotta run!”

We finally arrive after a long morning of trying to get the kids ready and out the door. Thank god there was no fuss today, don’t think I could take another Zoey tantrum.?Girl makes me crazy but I Love her like breath itself.

The venue is beautiful, I’m stunned! Tammy wanted to keep things on the down low for her and Robins sake of it being special. so I didn’t know much.

I always wanted a wedding but after we had Zoey that got pushed to the side. She blessed my world , the kids make me feel needed and like I have a perpouse in the world. But I always felt like I was missing something, like I was meant to do be more than just a mom and wife. I often feel that if you where to look at me you’d see a gray smear of a face because I don’t have an identity. Just mom , wife.

I try to stay up late for me time to read a book and have a glass of wine. Which always ends up with cleaning, laundry and packing lunches. By time I get to my book I’ve polished off my bottle of wine and I don’t get past the second page before I fall asleep.

I’m the first one out there and helping with the final touches and little details. The venue is tucked in this cute little forest in Lake Tahoe. Everything is totally giving off twilight vibes . I imagine Edward leaping from rock to rock “As if you can out run me!” “I’m a monster Bella” (sparkle sparkle) I laugh to myself.

I go to turn to finish putting the center peices on the tables when I see something behind one of the trees, it looks like it’s glinting from catching the sunlight. I sheild my eyes from the sun to get a better look. It’s a man with black hair and pale skin. He’s looking at me and he’s not bad looking himself. Jacob yells from the venue building behind me that Tammy is have a dress malfunction and needs me pronto. I turn to tell him I’ll be right there. When I look back the guy is gone, hmm he must be from Robins side of the family. I’ve never seen him before.

Chapter 3

(I’d love to continue this as I am a mom of 3 but I have two children, I lost my first and this brings him into my story as a live person. I was going to name him Jacob. My life feels like something is always missing and I know it’s him. So this is my chance to bring him to life. It’s been years and I I’ve come to terms with it a little but this story is how I Think he would have been. He would have been an older brother to two sisters. Oldest to all the grandchildren. He would have been the only boy. I had a dream on night when i was crying myself to sleep asking god to please let me see him and if he was okay. God answered. He was with his uncle from his dad’s side of all people, who I did not care for. They were at the beach , sunny and blue the sky was. I was sitting a little further back and his uncle mucio who was holding my son turned to me and said he’s okay, he’s happy look at him. I looked at him, his uncles arms under his arm pits holding him up. Jacob had a big smile on his face and green eyes. Green eyes, the first time I seen his eyes, brown hair and butter scotch skin. He was happy and okay. His uncle mucio was alive and well but I felt that he was okay and happy. God gave me that dream for a reason. ) so here he is a character in my book, my son that I wish was here.)