Consciousness wraps itself around me, pulling me out and away from the gentle caress of sleep. Not even the Sun has risen from her slumber, though even through the absence I still feel her warmth creep through the windowsill.

A soft breath ghosts over my back, like the gentle breeze that swoons the flowers and trees.

Despite my aching heart, I can do nothing but allow the smallest of smiles.

It was incredible, really, how even the smallest of this man’s affections had me falling further and further - and ironic that even with every fibre of love I felt for him, I was going to walk out that door without so much as a farewell.

An unshakeable sense of urgency settles low in my stomach. It wasn’t that adrenaline filled urgency I often craved to feel - the one that had me feeling invincible to death.

No, it wasn’t that.

This was something that pulled at my inner peace and the internal strings of my carefully constructed mind, tugging until the ropes frayed to tethers.

I accept the feeling because if I remained here, _stayed_ here, in this garden we had built together, I would no longer have the ability to fight the vines who so adamantly wish for me to stay in one place.

I tilt my head behind me, at the man who is so blissfully unaware of any grief or mourning. Oh, to have peace like that.

Perhaps I could encase this moment for him and allow his days to pass contently in my embrace; not have to wake with only the memories of what once had been.

Maybe, rather, I should encase this moment for _myself_. One last enchanting moment of ecstasy with the man I so unconditionally love. Everything we’ve done and built together… I pause for a minute and allow my eyes the privalage to watch over him. I’d let myself have this at least.

Confrontation has never been my strongsuite. I was always afraid. I don’t remember a time where I _haven’t_ been afraid. Maybe that was my curse. To fear anything I cannot control, and to run away from it before the damage can reach my body.

Maybe I’ll learn to push away the fears, as I have with everything else in my life.

I just hope that one day - _one_ day - I would have the peace to return to him. If that was a month, a year, a lifetime - so be it.

Though my body may wither and decay, it was my heart that would continue beating for only him.