It’s October 18, 2011 and it’s just now starting to get chilly outside. My new born baby girl arrived a little over a month ago and she is so perfect it’s hard to believe she came from you. Even though I love my child more than life, inside I just feel off. The doctor says it’s post partum depression. I’ve been trying to deal with it by myself but ignoring it just doesn’t seem to be working. So one day I hear about a friend taking some kind of pain pills to help ease the pain they are having. I figure maybe it would help deal with depression too. I made a few phone calls and this guy I know says he has something that will definitely help. I meet up with him and he tells me to pour out this small baggy and use a straw to sniff it through my nose. Instantly I feel numb. I don’t feel anything at all. I’m hooked. I start coming to see him daily for more and more. Eventually I learn what really is in these little bags. Heroin. The devils drug. It doesn’t take long before I’m completely dependent on it. It’s also not long before I learn there are other ways of doing it. Now not only am I addicted to the drug itself but also the needle. Slowly but not slow enough people start to notice. I can’t support my habit on my pay check alone. I can’t care for my child the way she deserves. Now im stealing and staying out all hours of the night. Soon after Im getting kicked out of my parents house and told I can’t take my daughter. I know that’s what’s best for her because where would we go? Now im living on the streets. Couch surfing or staying in nasty motels. I have turned into someone I don’t even recognize. Selling my soul to the devil. It seems like it was just yesterday I tried my first line but now it’s 10 years later. I’ve lost everything. Way too many rehab stays, nights in jail and running from the law. Too many nights that I almost died or got killed. So many times have men taken advantage of me. Can’t begin to count how many tears I’ve cried begging God to help me. Eventually there is only one last thing to try, methadone. Now for 7 months I’ve been taking it and I’m still fighting the devil everyday. If I would have just gone to someone 10 years ago and asked for help instead of thinking I could fix it all on my own maybe I wouldn’t have ever had to go down this path. Even though I have been through more trials and errors than most people go through in an entire lifetime, that little girl thinks I’m the reason the sun comes out everyday. She is my purpose. She is my reason. She is my strength. I was addicted before I ever tried any drug and I’ll be addicted when I’m completely drug free. My choices bit me in the ass but now it’s time I bite back. I can’t change the past but I can learn from them and teach my child what drugs really do instead of telling her that they are just bad. It stops with me.