What have you done. Seyi, my older sister’s words echo in me. I don’t have to look at her face to know the horror that lies on it. As the blood drips from the tip of the knife, landing on its victim, my father. So much happened in a flash. Just a minute ago, I was lying on my bed, clapping my hands to chase the mosquitos away while my youngest sister, Ife played with her wooden toys.

It was.. is a sunny day. The heat cleared off the rain from last night’s heavy pour. Drying off the clothes on the clothes line that I forgot to take down.

Then my father bursted through the house, demanding for my little sister. I couldn’t let him take her. I couldn’t.

‘Tola, what have you done?’ She repeats, her voice slow and motherly. Even though she is only five years my senior, she has been more of a mother and father than my little sister and I have ever had. Her golden blonde hair packed in Afro puffs while her hazel eyes stare in shock. None of us were a fan of our father. He accused my mother of sleeping with an oyinbo man just because of my older sister’s fair skin and eyes, ignoring their obvious similar features. He was a distant father even if he was always around. After losing his job, all he did was drink and drink until he was unconscious and we had to clean up the mess.

I didn’t care for him. I lost all respect for him as soon as I turned 9, that was a long time ago. Seyi had, way before I could remember. Only Ife loved at him with all admirable adoration that an 8 years old girl would for her father. That’s why it hurts my heart that he is..was capable of marrying her off to some old disgusting man.

‘We have no one and it is left for us to look after each other,’ Seyi’s words rang in my ear when my father dragged my tiny hands like she was his mate out of the house.

All I remember after that was red, a knife and the back of my father’s frame.

‘To..la,’ Ife’s stammering brings me out of my reverie. She is all curled up with some of the blood splattered on her already dirty clothes that I have told her to stop wearing. I immediately drop the knife and hurry to her side. She draws away from me with a fear that has been reserved for the monsters under her bed and I feel my heart stink. Am I a monster?

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‘Hold his leg together,’ Seyi says as the two of us struggle to turn over our father. I use all the strength I can muster and we finally do. We put him in a black cloth to cover all his body and dug up a very deep grave not far from our house to put him in. Thankfully, where our house is situated, not many people walk across and the sun had gone down, leaving the moon as our only light source. My eyes find Ife who seems to be using her toys to distract herself.

‘She will get over it,’ Seyi says, ‘you did what you had to do to protect her’. She clenches her knuckles. ‘I just wish I was there instead so you didn’t have to go through that yourself.’

‘You can’t blame yourself,’ I say softly and place my hand on her shoulder, feeling her tensed body.

‘And you can’t either but we can’t stay here any more. People will ask questions,’ she drops her shovel on the buried grave.

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‘Where will we go?’ I whisper not wanting to wake up Ife through our paper thin walls. I stare down at the bowl of water, seeing my face covered in his blood as Seyi brings the soapy sponge over my face and whips it.

‘There is a village nearby. When we reach there, we can think of a plan,’ I know Seyi does not know what to do but she continues to be strong as she cleans me up because I couldn’t. I feel like that vulnerable little girl again who still needs her mummy.

When we are all cleaned up, we pack all that we can. Begging Ife to stop crying for the toys she will leave behind. Just us sisters, after all we are all we need.