She watches

From the corner of my eye

While I lace up my shoes

And rise from the bathtub,

Toes pruned, mind tired.

She waits

For me to be silent

So I fill up the air with junk noises

To keep her at bay.

She’s trying

To signal that someday I’ll join her,

My wings will fall off

I will shed

Like a monarch turned blue

Starving, drying out, crumpled

But patient.

She’s patient.

She knows that I’ll have to, eventually,

Slip and fall

Into some other realm

Where she’ll meet me and try

To be gentle

But I’ll be afraid, just like always.

I’ll rip off the covers and pant,

Wipe the sweat from my neck,

Drink some water,

Walk my dog up the street and then back down,

Turn the tv on,

Cry, anything.

I’ll do anything just to not meet her,

Just yet.