STORY STARTER
"Hunt down the traitor, and bring them back to me alive."
Write a story in any genre that contains this piece of speech.
STORY STARTER
"Hunt down the traitor, and bring them back to me alive."
Write a story in any genre that contains this piece of speech.
Part two?
I echo EM’s thoughts. This was great. I had to read it twice to understand it fully, though. What really confused me was when it said that Rose’s husband was dead at her feet, but in the beginning Rose had been stood over the body.
It confused me as I wasn’t sure we were talking about the same body or if the protagonist had already found the traitor.
With this amendment, plus a bit more of an understanding if WHY the protagonist killed Rose’s husband, I think it would make the piece a little stronger. As a reader, we’re unsure whether to sympathise with the protagonist or not. If they killed in self-defence, then perhaps they deserve our sympathy. If they killed out of evil then perhaps they’re a bad character who we shouldn’t side with.
Wow, for a short story, I’m surprised with its intensity (in a good way)! This type of story is so appealing to me, and I think you’ve written a unique take on a story frame like this one. This is the type of meta-fairytale layout that a lot of writers hinge on, and it can go downhill very quickly if it feels too common or unoriginal, or if it’s written weakly. However, I think you did a great job with making it an engaging piece of work, and I thoroughly enjoyed it!
You wove so much emotion into the story that I was able to envision the scene really clearly, and I didn’t even realize until after that you hadn’t really described anything yourself. In other words, I saw the story, but I might not have seen what YOU wanted me to see, because you didn’t specify any sensual details within it. I don’t know anything about the main character other than s/he committed the murder and that s/he is feeling strongly about it now. Like I said before, the sheer amount of emotion you packed in made up for this, especially given the length of the story; it’s only passage length, so don’t worry too much. But if you were considering expanding this work into a longer short story or beyond, character and setting development are two things I would recommend paying attention to. That’s really all I have to say about it! Very well done, and I’m excited to check out some more of your writing!
Last thing: I really liked how you said “tears brewing in her eyes”; great imagery and word choice there!