Honestly, am I sitting here pretending everything is ok? I feel

like I do not fit in even though we are family. I am envious of my cousins, especially of the life they have had compared to mine. I am a great pretender, and very few people know the fear and pain I live with daily. My grandparents have shielded me growing up, but the monster who is my dad is always present. This is torture I want to run not sit here and smile. I should be thankful for my grandparents and what they have given me.,which is a good life, but there is so much I have missed out on. Why can someone not resue me?