I’ve known Roy for thirty years. He was my best man at my wedding, an uncle to my two children and the best friend that anyone could ask for. Two days ago, Roy asked how I was doing and as usual I complained about my job and how I needed to make more money. Roy listened without judgement like he always did and put my worries and fears into perspective. The things that I was anxious about then seem so trivial now. Even when Roy moved out of the neighbourhood he rang at least twice a week. Who would have known that he was the one who needed help? Did I ask him if he was ok? My best friend Roy was so depressed that he decided to commit suicide. All the note said was “ I’m sorry”. Roy had nothing to be sorry for. I was the selfish asshole who didn’t notice that Roy was struggling to cope with life. Now I’m sitting here unable to move with a hole in my heart and a heaviness that’s consuming me. I wish I could go to sleep and wake in yesterday - like one of those time travel movies. I’d tell him that I loved him and hug him and he wouldn’t kill himself and everything would be ok. But now I’m frozen and consumed with self dread and wondering how someone can be here one day and gone the next? I’ve lived my life without regret - until today.