Betty Sue was daydreaming. It was a really slow day at First Loving Bank of Killum, Texas, and she had popped a piece of Juicy Fruit in her mouth which was against bank rules, but nobody paid much attention to the rules anyway. The manager, Kenneth “call me Ken” Hawkins was not very managerial, and mostly he spent his time trying to get someone….anyone….to go on a date with him. Betty Sue had turned him down so many times he finally quit asking her which suited both of them. Now he just ignored her and let her do pretty much what she wanted to do so he didn’t have to talk to her.

“Gimme what ya got, lady.”

The voice interfered with Betty Sue’s nice daydream about the UPS guy, and when she focused, she saw this guy in front of her with a Donald Trump mask and a gun. Now truth be told, Betty Sue was not the brightest bulb on the tree, and while she probably should have been intimidated by the gun, she also had four older brothers who had thought it great fun to try to scare her while she was growing up, and guns were a favorite prop.

“Oh, come on. Trump? Really?” It was the first thing that came to mind, and it just fell out of her mouth.

“I ain’t foolin’ around. Gimme all your money.” It was so weird hearing that voice coming out of the Trump face, that Betty Sue giggled. “You think this is funny? Hand it over or I’ll blow you to kingdom come, dummy.”

By now, Betty Sue had, in her slow way, figured out that this was not a joke, and her left hand was slowly moving toward the panic button under by her teller window. With her right hand she pulled open the drawer, spotting the bag that they were supposed to put any money in if they got robbed; the one with the dye pack that went off as soon as the robber walked out the door.

Trump trumped that plan, though, by throwing a plastic Piggly Wiggly bag on the counter. “Stick it in here, and do it quick!”

Betty Sue, having been impeccably trained by the Education Committee of First Loving Bank said in her most soothing voice, “Yessir. You want that in 10’s and 20’s?”

There was a heartbeat of pause and then fake Trump hissed, “I don’t give a rat’s ass, you dumb broad. Just stick what you got in the bag and give it to me.”

Betty Sue stared at him, noting that his eyes behind the mask were an odd shade of amber, and that his hair that was sticking out in the back of the mask was a bright copper color. She took all this in as she was stuffing what bills she had into the grocery bag with one hand and feeling around, still, for that panic button. She had to lean slightly to the left to reach it, and she didn’t dare make any quick moves, so she sort of looked like she was sliding off her stool but he didn’t seem to catch on. Finally she found the button and pushed it at the same time she saw Ken Hawkins walk out from his office. She tried to subtly shake her head at him so he wouldn’t come over, but clueless as ever, Ken just yelled at her.

“Everything okay, Betty Sue?”

The Trump thing stiffened and he stared at her, his eyes narrowing into little slits that she could see even with the mask.

“Yessir, all okay. Just helping this gentleman. All good. All fine.”

It had been about three minutes since she’d pushed the button to alert the police station which was practically next door, and through the front window she could see Officer McConnelly coming down the sidewalk. Now McConnelly never rushed anywhere. He waddled, and Betty Sue, trying to delay the robber, took as long as she could putting the bills in the bag.

“Hurry it up, stupid!” She could tell he was losing patience and she shoved the bag at him. He grabbed it, turned away from her, and when he saw Officer McConnelly walking up to the door, he yanked off the mask and ran to the door, pushing it open and right into the officer’s rather prodigious belly, causing him to let out a loud “Ooph!”

By now Betty Sue was outside of her teller window, and watching the Trump guy getting into a pretty nice Ford truck.

Now Betty Sue wasn’t so dumb. She knew exactly who the Trump guy was; she’d had a crush on him all through high school and truth be told, she had a thing for bad boys (which also explained her aversion to Ken Hawkins). When Officer McConnelly finally got his breath and managed to walk into the bank, she had made up her mind to not give him any real information. Luke Stanton, a.k.a. Donald Trump, was too damn good looking to rat out, and since she had the upper hand in this fiasco, she was going to use it to her advantage. And so she did.

Luke and Betty Sue became an item in Killum, and while no one could really understand the attraction for Luke, every time they came to the Piggly Wiggly together, Betty Sue would say, “What’s it gonna be for supper tonight, Don?” Luke would pale and reply, “Anything you want, snookums.”

They were a very odd couple, no doubt about it.