I was on the edge of a discovery to change the lives of humans! A way to become the most powerful person in the world! I was Doctor McGarah, a mad scientist devoted to ruling society! Yes, I was a teensy bit evil, but it was all for the better! I would eventually die, and people would get to use my invention for the better news of the human race!

So WHY, in all my brilliance, could I not get the stupid lab rat to hold still?

“Keep stil, you rat, so I can test this on you!” I muttered as the stupid rodent ran back and forth in his maze, trying to escape the desending of the syringe at bay. I didn’t understand why. He was being given the chance to test the most impressive concoction made by me yet, i thought as I finally caught him with a gloved hand and held him still. After all, what could go wrong? It was for the betterment of humanity!

_ Well, he could possibly explode, lose all his limbs, or at the very least, get extreme diarrhea, _I reflected. But still, wasn’t it an honor?

In my train of thought, I let him slip between my fingers accidentally, and he leaped back down to his safe cage.

“ARGHH!” In my frustration, I gave up on the rat. I slammed the lid back on and he chittered in relief as I angrily threw the syringe on the floor. “THATS IT! I need a new rat, this one is too stubborn!”

My assistant Myda, who has about as much emotion and personality as a mushroom, pokes her head into the room. “Is there anything you need?”

“Yes,” I mutter, infuriated. “Call the management. I need a new rat! Or mouse. But rats are more intelligent, so rats if they have them. And no hamsters or guinea pigs!”

“Sorry, doctor, the management is not allowing you any more rats… or mice. They claim you have ruined too many of them.”

“What?!” I splutter. “I haven’t ruined that many!! Well, there was that one…i didn’t MEAN to spill that unidentifiable gloop from my lunch onto him! And you know what they say… it’s the inside that counts, right? Even if the outside is a rat who’s been mutated to look like sort of Godzilla/Medusa/Anteater/Dragon!”

I began thinking now. “That ice cave in Alaska, I just forgot to get a fire going for the poor fellow! And the volcano…well, I didn’t think it was gonna blow! And all those times I left them on the Bunsen burner…erm, well, that one doesn’t have an explanation except for forgetfulness. So all in all, I’ve only ruined about…ten?”

“217, actually, but good guess,” clipped Myda.

“Humph! So the ol’ management ain’t gonna give me any more rodents, eh? Well, this puts a stopper in my plans.” I grumble an grump all the way to my private rooms. As I get ready to turn in, I think and think about solutions. As I go to sleep, I toss and turn and can’t stop thinking of trying to solve my lab rat problem. Being a mad scientist isn’t so fun after all.

During the night, I dream. I dream of Myda being transformed into a lab rat wearing a coat, before getting slopped with oatmeal and turning into a mutant Godzilla/Medusa/Anteater/Dragon.

When I wake up in the morning, I realize it. My dream was trying to give me a solution! I eat a quick breakfast, then concoct my master plan.

As I fiddle with my morning invention, something I’ve been wanting to do for a while (a breakfast maker) I call Myda over. “Oh Myda!”

“Yes?” She answers. She hurries into the room. “What is it?”

“I need you to test this… new syringe,” i lie. “I invented it. It’s supposed to not hurt.”

“Very well, what’s in it?” She asks.

“Just water,” I say through gritted teeth. She holds out her arm for me to inject. I stick my needle in and she winces. “It still hurts. Perhaps you try another appro…” her jaw slackens and she looks at her arms. They are changing colour and texture, becoming limp and brown, turning shimmery like she’s sweating her skin off. She looks up at me with the first glimmer of some type of emotion beneath the surface— fear. Now she speaks not in her usual drone, but with a hint of fright. “That wasn’t water. That also wasn’t a new syringe.” Her voice tightens with each word, accusing and panicked. “You tested the new serum on me.”

And those are her last words. The brown, limp, wet sheen spreads across her entire body, and she melts, like a realistic snow person, into a lump on the ground, wet like clay, but… more dark brown.

I bend down and smell the clump that used to be my lab assistant. It’s earthy and rich. “Mud,” I sniff, frowning at it disdainfully. Not my intended result. “Well, that was disappointing,” I sigh as I sweep my mud pile into a glass case with a label, wash my hands, and send out an ad for a new assistant.