Tw: this is a really long poem, like absurdly long, and might not even be worth the read because i’ve never had a daughter, i just really want one so i figured i’d give this a shot. this is also just a draft so idek at this point… also i didn’t follow the prompt. but despite all that, feedback would be great!

——————

at first you are small,

your tiny fingers curled

around mine.

does that mean

you love me?

you trust me?

i hope so.

and then, you open

your little eyes.

and they are the most

perfect color.

and i melt

because no matter

how many times i’d imagined

this moment,

it is more amazing

than anything

in this whole world.

i hug you

to my chest and i

ignore

the pain

ignore

the stitches

and ignore

the rest of the

world

because now that

i’ve held you

i would burn

cities upon

cities

just to keep you.

but then before i know it

you grow up

and suddenly

you are outgrowing

your adorable

pink diapers

and you start to

go to

school

and i won’t be able

to see you

every second

of every minute

of every hour

of every day

and that breaks

my

heart.

i almost want to

hug you to me

i want you to

never grow up

stay this small,

this perfect

oh who am i kidding.

you’re always going to be

perfect.

more perfect than i

could ever be.

and i didn’t expect it

to go so fast but

soon you’re

painting your nails

and dying your hair

and talking about

boys.

oh dear God.

boys, who are going to

steal

you away from me

and i will not be able to do

anything

to prevent it.

and before i can

blink

you want to

go on a

date.

why

why

why

when did that happen?

when did you

stop

wanting to just

hang out with

me

and watch friends on the couch

in our pajamas?

i want to say no

oh, God, i should say no.

but this means

so much

to you

and i worry that you

would hate me

if i said no.

i love you too much

to lose you

to that

so i say

yes.

but i will lose you

to that

boy.

he will become your

blond

muscular

world

and i will be

forgotten.

all your time will be spent

thinking

about him and not

remembering

me.

who fed you

and raised you

to the best of her abilities because she

loved you.

and she doesn’t know if you

love her.

is that too much to ask?

i choke down

my tears

and go through

bins and bins of

your

old clothes.

i find your

princess

dresses

because you wanted to

look pretty.

of course, you’ve never even had to

try

to look pretty.

i find your

christmas pajamas

the ones that we

coordinated every year

there’s a little stain on

yours-

hot chocolate

that we made

every christmas eve.

and you come home

late

but i don’t mind

i don’t yell at you

because how could

i ever yell at you

you.

i’m just glad

you made it home

at all.

i ask you

how your date went

and you say

fine

and go upstairs

when will you want to

talk

to me again?

i blink

and i’m at your

graduation

since when did you

prefer heels over

flats?

and since when

do you wear

makeup?

i wish i had more

time to see you

before you left

each morning

with that

boy

of yours.

that boy of yours

is he going to

influence

where you’ll go to college?

are you even going to

go to college?

i don’t remember

talking about it with

you

i don’t remember

the last time we talked

about anything.

i remember you

giving me a stiff hug

at your graduation

and then leaving

to talk to

your

friends.

i understand

i suppose.

you’re growing up

i’m growing old

we’re growing apart.

it was bound to happen

all along

wasn’t it?

it’s not supposed to happen

this way

not in our story

at least.

we were going to be

best friends.

we were best friends

until you were eleven.

no

i don’t want to

blink

again.

but i do

anyways.

and you’re going off

to college.

you picked one

a nice one,

but he’s going there too.

i wonder

if you’re going to

marry him.

if he’s the reason

we aren’t close anymore.

you pack up your car

and i watch you

through the window.

i expect you to leave

without even saying

goodbye

but you hesitate

before getting in

the drivers seat.

you slowly

close your trunk

and walk up the front steps

and ring the doorbell.

i don’t know

what you’re doing

i thought you wanted

nothing

nothing

to do with me

i open the door

hopefully

and my heart

wilts as i see you

standing there

with tears in your

perfect eyes.

you hug me as if

you’ve never hugged me

before

and you whisper in

my ear

“i’m sorry”

and then my heart is

full again

for the first time

since i can’t even

remember when

all i know is that

you’re

talking to me

you’re hugging me

i just wish it would’ve happened

sooner

when we would’ve had more

time

before you had to leave for

college.

but i guess life has a plan

for you,

my darling.

and i know that

you’re going places

and that you should

follow your heart

and i tell her

as much.

she just hugs me

again

and lets tears roll down

her cheeks

and words roll off

her lips.

i’m sorry

i love you

over

and

over

and i am so

thankful

and then she says

two words

two new words

thank you.

and i know

that everything is

as it was

before.

we are perfect

and she is

perfect

and i will

miss

her.