VISUAL PROMPT
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Tasked with hosting your friend's engagement celebration, you throw an elaborate party in a forest.
VISUAL PROMPT
Tasked with hosting your friend's engagement celebration, you throw an elaborate party in a forest.
Welcome to the community!!!
I love the concept of the story! I think to break it up a bit, maybe put a whole line in between paragraphs to make it easier to read.
(I’m 4’10, so it can be realistic for an adult person to be that height, so you’re good.)
Thank you so much this is good feedback and really sweet. I’ll keep working
Im not sure if you realize this but someone who is below 4 foot 10 is technically a dwarf! Just a heads up in case you didn’t know how small that really is! Sometimes you add words you don’t need to like when you wrote”couldn’t even hide” as opposed to “couldn’t hide.” The unnecessary words gives it a more casual and conversational tone which is totally fine if that’s what you’d like but I feel your writing would be more polished without! The dialogue I found to be a little too formal! Especially in comparison to the more informal internal dialogue of the protagonist. If this story takes place in modern times, people don’t generally say things like “wonderful.” Another example of using unnecessary words could be “I searched up on my computer.” I feel this is implied by simply saying “I searched.” When writing dialogue u should try using italics instead of quotes! You jump between past a present tense! It would be best to stay consistent! Also, instead of using words like “pretty” to describe a blouse, use more complex terms to give the same feeling but in a more intense and detailed way! There’s a couple moments where you use the wrong word as well! Example: coarse instead of course or shown instead of shone. Nothing major but you asked for some grammatical help as well so I thought I’d point it out! I would also suggest adding more description of surroundings and people and so on to really get the reader to be able to visualize the scene! You’re doing a great job and I can see your passion in your writing :) keep working!