Where to start?

No can’t start there it wouldn’t make sense?

There? No that too wouldn’t make sense.

Ok let’s just start from the beginning so that everything makes sense.

Ok. So. My name is Gretel and I live on the planet of witches called Wicken 3. I didn’t always but when hard times fell upon my father, especially after my mother died, well it was either feed his belly or mine. Can you guess which one he chose?

Anyways, he sent me here to Wicken 3 so that I would have a better life. That and he was paid very handsomely for me to go here. And you know what burns my bottom - the fact that I didn’t even see a single credit of it. So when I got to Wicken 3, not only did I just have a duffel bag filled with all my stuff, but I was also flat broke, which meant I slept in a dingy room with a paper thin mattress with a blanket so thin it could have been considered a tissue.

That is where I met my brother Hansel. Now Hansel isn’t my real brother, nor is he a real person but I think of him as one. In fact, Hansel isn’t even his real name, well not until I met him. His original name was HA-53L but I didn’t think that was appropriate considering he spouted poetry all the time. So I gave him a new acronym: Humanoid Android Needlessly Spouting Eloquent Limericks or HANSEL for short.

Now the first time we met, I didn’t like Hansel very much, mostly because when we met he insulted me. Now to be fair, I wear my long hair in a weird way, meaning I hang it down in the front, but he didn’t have to say anything about it but he came right up to me his joints buzzing, and said to me, and I quote,

“You look silly little girl,

You make my head twirl,

You look so very weird,

With your hair like a beard,

I think I may just hurl!”

Needless to say I kicked his shin and ran off. After a crappy sleep and having nothing to my name, I was in no mood for that kind of thing, but as I ran I felt tears stream down my face, blurring my vision, and when I stopped I found myself in front of one of the witches houses. I was warned to stay away, at least until I had my own magic to defend myself but I had to admit had gotten lost.

I approached the house amazed at what it was made of. Gingerbread. Gingerbread from top to bottom, with intricate icing work, and giant pieces of candy adoring it as decoration. My stomach was growling, mostly because I couldn’t afford food, and I made the stupid decision to take a piece of the house. Big mistake.

As soon as I touched the house, a witch appeared and started yelling at me. Screaming at me that she was going to eat me for touching her home. Tears ran down my face as I huddled in a ball. This was it this was how I was going to die. Nine years old and this was how I was going to die, at the hands of an alien witch just for touching her house.

But just as I thought the end was near, a familiar voice came from behind her. We both looked to see Hansel standing there hands on his hips and with gusto shouted,

“Let her go you witch,

Whose looks give me an itch,

Let the girl go free,

Or you’ll have to deal with me,

Let’s hope you’re rich!”

The witch gave him one look, laughed, picked me up, threw me at Hansel, and walked into her house, yelling at us to get lost. Hansel picked me up, smiled, and held out his hand, and said,

“Dear brown haired girl,

With eyes of chocolate swirl,

I sorry for before,

My words can be sore,

May our friendship unfurl?”

And with those kind words we became friends. And now, five years later, we are as close as siblings. In that time I have joined the witching school, become a level 3 witch trainee, and have my own house that Hansel shares with me. He still only talks in limericks, and I still have problems staying out of trouble, but we are making it work, sort of.

Anyways, I have to go now. Hansel is trying to make a version of pizza that involves, well it’s best if you don’t know, and we’ll I don’t want the house to smell like smoke again. So this is Gretel fourteen year old, level 3, witch in training signing off saying… Hansel why do I smell smoke?! You better not have burned dinner again! Oh you did didn’t you? I am going to kick your….