They call me the Undertaker. And I am. An undertaker. That is truly my profession. But when the Company needs some body to disappear, they call me. I do after all, have a special talent. And the means to make said body find a new home.

The problem is that today, we have had an early snow. A big, early snow. Three feet in the middle of November. I can’t believe I’m trudging through the snow. I can’t believe they called me in the middle of this snowstorm. That’s right. The snow isn’t about to stop. No. Not now. Probably not for a couple days. But what’s an undertaker to do? The boss said, “Bodies don’t just bury themselves, you know.”

Bodies don’t just bury themselves, you know. Bodies don’t just bury themselves, you know. I shoulda just mocked him to his face. “Bodies don’t just bury themselves, you know.” Yeah right. I’m all talk. Besides, he can always find another undertaker. One who will gladly take my body out in this snow and bury it. After all, I am dispensable and I literally know where the bodies are buried. Hah! I am so funny.

Ah well, at least I don’t need to drag the body. Or anything like that. They just brought it up to the mortuary and I’m about to take care of it.

Only thing is, the boss said I gotta preserve the body. Can’t just cremate it. Those are the easy ones. I just throw ‘em in the oven and put the ashes under somebody else’s coffin. Yeah. Those are the easy ones. Even in the snow. Just excavate the site and in the ashes go. No muss. No fuss.

But this one’s tougher. Gotta put the whole body under somebody else’s. Just dig the grave deeper and toss ‘im in. Not too much muss or fuss. Just a little.

It’s funny. I used to do it differently. The first time, I just threw the body in with somebody in a crypt. But some of those folks actually want to see the dead body later. Do something with the bones. Ugh. That even creeps me out. And nothing creeps me out. At least not about dead bodies.

Then, I put one in a coffin with somebody else. I stopped that when I realized that people could be exhumed.

So with this one, I’ll use my tried and true method. Dig deep. Put the body in the hole. Put some of the dirt back. Then, do the burial like nothing abnormal happened. It even works when they want a graveside service. Thankfully, tomorrow’s funeral family really cares about him. Cares enough to have his funeral in three feet of snow. At least they don’t want a graveside ceremony. Just a service up at the church and I take it from there.

But I still gotta trudge through the snow today. I still gotta get the tractor out and find the plot and scrape the plot and dig the plot. Really deep. It’s not gonna be easy. But it’s the first big snowstorm. The ground hasn’t had time to get really frozen yet. So it oughta be okay.

Still. It is the middle of November. There’s three feet of snow. Actually, more now. And I’m trudging through said snow to get to the tractor. Because much to my dismay, dead bodies do not just bury themselves.