Weeping;
They sit curved in shame
Knees pressed to the ground,
Palms pressed together. Lips loosened
By the sympathetic silence. They beg
beneath inculpable breaths
To have them. Those promises
Their screaming hearts are destined.
If only their prayers were more than
Mere Whispers on the Wind.
(There is caesura and enjambment here which will help to read it as I would - if you want!)
I like this a lot, some beautiful and fitting descriptions! The only thing I would mention is that generally you would use enjambment to continue an idea or rhythm, whilst here the sentences that run on would actually read better on their own lines. You don’t need to use enjambment just to make something look or feel poetic! That said, we will all read in our own way, and maybe this felt like the best structure for you! 😀
I want to know what you think. I mean, I like this but it’s not one of my favourite things I’ve written...
