I rode behind the three knights ignoring the randy song Emil was singing. Makari rode beside him sharpening one of his blades. And Hadrian lead the way letting his wolf mount sniff out the crown prince’s trail.

It was then that I noticed the silence of the forest. I stopped, jumping down as I opened my senses. And ignoring the insults Emil threw my way. The mana of the forest was taunt as if some predator were waiting in the shadows. No not one. Three.

They attacked as the knights came to a stop. And I was a girl again. I was clutching a ruby, the rough edges cutting into my hands. But it wasn’t as bad as master’s fingers digging into my shoulder. He’d kill me if I let the lizard beasts draw any closer.

So, I closed my eyes feeling all the mana around me. It coursed through the beasts in thick bands as they slithered closer. I reached out a bruised hand grasping at the band of mana. It didn’t come willingly. But my fear of dying outweighed its loyalty to the beast. It came sluggish at first but then faster as I funneled it into the ruby

Master began laughing as the beasts fell. Not from a blade or arrow or poison. But the draining of their mana. I could feel their lives clinging to me. Trying to hold onto to anything they could. But eventually their spirits drifted from their bodies now free of the mana that had tied them to life.

The ruby now lay warm and full. But I was empty.

“Get down!”

I pushed to the ground and out of my memory. Emil stood before me, blood pouring from the scratch he’d blocked with his sword arm. The other held the lizard beast off with a shield while our wolves tore into its side.

“This is why I didn’t want you to come.” Emil grunted as he pushed back the claw. “Just stay down.”

He continued fighting the beast but he was losing. The other two seemed to be holding their own against one while the first beast lay dead. And here I was doing nothing.

I was supposed to be the healer of the group. So, I lassoed my bands of mana around each of them. Emil’s arm healed rapidly. The other two gained strength.

This was what I was meant to do. Give life. Not take. I’d promised myself I’d never kill again.

As if reading my mind, Hadrian looked back at me. He left his beast to Makari and leant his sword to Emil. Together they felled the beast. And Makari’s fell a moment after.

Emil looked at his fully healed arm, then nodded to me. “Maybe you’re good for something.”

Hadrian helped me up. “Are you hurt?”

“No. But more beasts while come because of the blo-“ My legs grew weak.

Hadrian caught me, lifting me in his arms. “Looks like you’ve used to much mana. How about you ride with me until we make camp?”

I nodded trying to hide my burning cheeks with my hair. Mana regulation was the first thing field healers were taught. And I’d just failed at the most basic rule. Never overextend.

So, I sat in Hadrian’s arm’s trying not to think of his broad chest. Or the warmth of his skin. Nor the beard that caught at my hair. Like when I’d met my future king.

I’d been smaller. My hair messier. And my hands rougher from the uncut gems. But he’d been the first person I’d ever healed. A young prince with few years of travel. But even as the king he is now his kindness always remained the same. Even after what my master made me do to him.

“Ilya.” Hadrian’s voice rumbled through my back. “We’re making camp for the night.”

I looked at the site as he slid off. It was the entrance to my old master’s mine. Now it lay abandoned and crumbled. But still shivers tore through me. Masters eyes seemed to shine through the darkness of the cave bidding me to kill again.

“Ilya?” I found Hadrian’s hand on my thigh. “What is it?”

I shook my head. And dismounted. What was the use in worrying over a dead man. He had to be dead. The king had assured me.

“We don’t have to camp here.” Hadrian said.

Emil dumped firewood on the ground. “I’m not leaving because she’s afraid of some old cave.”

“You will do as your commander says.” Hadrian growled out.

“It’s fine.” My hands shook as I entered the cave. But I couldn’t sense anyone beyond us four. No beasts hid there either. And our wolves settled down at the entrance of the cave.

But it wasn’t until well into the night when they attacked. Giant horned cats cornered us. And since the mine had long ago caved in there was nowhere to run. The knights and wolves took down a few but there were too many.

I remembered being surrounded by a pride as a child. It was the first time I’d run from Master’s mines. And the first time I’d used mana as a weapon instead of simply seeing through the darkness to locate the rubies and sapphires. The first time I’d taken mana from a living creature. But it wasn’t the last.

Hadrian fell, bringing me back to my senses. And I knew that I had to break that promise. I stepped forward dodging Makari’s reaching hand. Not hearing Emil’s curses. But I could feel Hadrian’s spirit starting to slip.

So, I did what Master had bid me ever since he found me crying amongst the dead bodies of an entire pride. I stole mana. What I couldn’t contain I gave to the others. And just like the past, tears streaked my face as I watched the last of their souls leave.

Hadrian’s arms wrapped around me. But he couldn’t erase what I’d done. Neither could I.