I have roamed every inch of this neighborhood for the last 17 years but today I find myself lost as fuck in an eerie, abandoned and endless alley way, covered in buildings I’ve never seen before, standing in front of a door, staring at a white smudge I can’t take my eyes off of.

Ahh, you’re finally snapping. I knew this day would come.

I swear this smudge was put here for me. I take my hands out of my pocket, zip up my coat and throw my hood over my head.

I feel ridiculous.

I look to my left and then to my right. I’m alone but I feel like someone is standing beside me. I don’t want anyone to see me do what I’m about to do.

I reach out and touch the smudge. The door is warm and it surprises me. I quickly step back and put my hand behind my.

I look up. Not even a single window. I’m compelled to go in. It feels familiar.

I’ve been here before but I have no idea where I am.

I grab the handle and push it open with my shoulder cautiously. I gasp. The door closes behind me. I’m confused that I no longer seem to be on the ground floor.

I find myself staring across a white stone enclosed bridge leading to an extravagant purple door on the other side.

Where in the world am I?

I should be scared. Terrified. But I’m not. I’m warm. I’m unusually comfortable. I have that feeling that I’ve just turned on the street leading to my childhood home and I haven’t been beck in 100 years.

I’m so close but close to what? I’m almost home.

I gently tip toe to a window a look out. I have to be 30 stories above the ground below.

How is that possible?

For some reason it makes sense somewhere inside of me. I can’t pinpoint where it is nor can I explain it out loud.

I make my way towards the monstrosity of a door painted the brightest most vibrant shade of purple I can recall ever seeing.

It bursts open. A woman about my size flames out of the darkness behind her stamping her way toward me across the bridge.

The door smacks the wall and bounces back, close to taking out her backside as it slams shut.

She looks straight through me, eyes glowing with anger. Her glare makes me feel stark naked and begin to back up. I trip over my feet, fall backwards and melt down against the wall until I hit my heels.

I thought I wasn’t a pussy until the devil burned a hole through my soul. That’s not going to heal well.

She blazes past me muttering the word bullshit several times and yelled over her shoulder at the door that it was a son of a bitch.

What in the hell is behind this door?

I look back at the door. Still. Quiet. Suspiciously unsuspecting yet it seems to scream my name in a rather demanding way.

I doubt myself. I’m just crazy. I need to turn around and go home. Put this behind me.

But I don’t. I laugh nervously at myself. My knees are shaking as I press forward. I begin to sweat and unzip my coat.

I’m here. I knock awkwardly.

No answer. I push the door open. It’s shockingly light for as large and heavy as it looks.

Such a tiny room for such a grand entrance. I’m the corner sits a shady little man. He looks up. I feel like I’m in the presence of someone I’ve know for all of my lifetimes.

He calls me by my name. I freeze. It’s my familiar name. My actual name. The original sound given to my soul at the very moment of my creation. I had forgotten this sound. It’s like a thousands angels playing the most euphoric music I’ve ever heard.

And it belongs to me.

I feel instant guilt and I lower my head in shame. He says my name again. The sound reaches in and wraps itself around my energy. I fall to my knees and look up to meet his stare.

Stoic.

I ask why the girl was so mad. He doesn’t say a word. Doesn’t blink. But I hear the answer in my ‘self’. She couldn’t see this place. It wasn’t for her.

I know where I am.

Each syllable of the words spoken to my heart seem to fill me up. Every cell feels full. Complete. My ‘self’ expands and my body feels tight. I have the sensation of needing to take off my clothes but bigger. Grander. I suddenly feel like I’ve outgrown my body. It’s seems so small.

I look down to my hands then back up at him. I become aware that my mouth is literally hanging wide open.

I didn’t know that was actually a thing. Jesus…it that really how boring my life has been??

His mouth begins to move.

Welcome. I’m your guide and will be taking care of the next stage of your journey. It’s been a heck of a ride, yeah?

The man gives me a have smile. He’s being coy. I stand up and take his hand.

Deep breath. You’re home, darling. Rest.