You never asked, but…

It hurts me, too.

I never wanted to hurt you

But lately that seems like all I do

I care so much that I cry over thunderstorms

At the thought that those that I love could be gone in an instant

But I understand you’re the victim

When you called me about something that happened two month ago

You’ve been miserable for all that I know

Why am I even here then, though?

For most of my life, I’ve been killing my mind

Since I was eleven, I’ve made myself cry

It took so much to be able to speak

It took so much to remember to breathe

I’ve had to teach myself how to socialize

How to accept myself just enough to survive

How to remember to do simple tasks

How to be fucking happy

And yet I still worry

I still think about death sometimes

I still wonder why you’d ever choose to be with me

But you’re here

And you’ve been here

Why?

If all I do is make you miserable

I apologize profusely and promise I’ll change

Then never do—

Why are you still here?

Guilt

And shame

Are the two feelings I hate

I’ve felt them for most of my life and don’t want to feel them again.

Guilt

And shame

Are what I felt

When you called me

You never asked, but…

It hurts me, too.