If I ever see that asshole Rick in my house again, these claws are coming out and not just for play. He pushed Lea, can you believe? He pushed MY Lea in front of me, then had the audacity to pick my bowls and throw them at her. I will not stand it. I will not risk that happening again. No one will ever hurt Lea, especially Rick. I will find him and meow the lawn with him (that’s what Lea likes to say I do when I get sassy, but she’d seen nothing yet).

I licked myself clean and made sure its time my exit with my nap, so not to worry Lea. I’ve been to Ricks before, when things between him and Lea were still “good”, shit hole of a place. I see Barbara, our neighbor that absolutely adores me, waiting for the bus. This is my chance, I come strutting my best strut and rub my body against her shin, she shrieks with joy. How easy. I’ll make her take me on the bus with her, it’ll take some convincing but I know how to manipulate sweet old Barbs.

I am a 12 minute walk from Rick’s house now, I can feel the taste of sweet revenge already. I knew he was dumb, all the windows are open and he’s not home, thank you for easy access Rick. Time to get to business. I enter the premises, what a fucking mess, Lea how could you ever be attracted to this guy? With all this garbage lying around he might not even notice my outside of litter business. First thing I piss on his pillow and shit under his blanket. I then piss on his couch and all the carpets, I came prepared by inhaling the contents of my water bowl. Time for another shit, what will it be? I choose his kitchen counter. His guitar looks like something pleasant to scratch, here we go. Moving on to his leather shoes, smell expensive yet ruined by his athlete’s foot, either way I scratch the shit out of it. I see a watch and some documents or identification laying on the coffee table by his couch, I’ll take that. I feel accomplished, might come back to repeat, but for now I want to nap on Lea. Bye loser house. I hop out the window, after I threw the watch and the documents out first, I dump the watch into the neighbors trash can, but the documents I take with me, I need to show Lea that I have protected her from this moron. I walk to the bus stop and make a new friend that lets me ride with him to my stop. I come home, Lea is curled up on the couch crying, not on my watch. I hop on her with the documents still in my mouth and drop them on her chest. She looks confused and sits up to take a better look, her eyes grow large, I’ve never seen that before. “Snowball!! Where did you get this? What the hell??” She says it clearly not waiting for a reply and not suspecting that I did what I did. Is she mad, is she grateful or is she scared whats going to happen next? I will protect her either way.