I couldn’t help but stare straight into her eyes as she stood above me, her silvery glare sending chills up and down my spine. She twisted the knife in and out of her fingers, holding it inches from my chin. I smiled back at her, welcoming my impending death. I let out no scream as she sent the knife straight through my chest. I let out a quiet sigh and close my eyes slowly. I feel my own blood run down my body, smoothly over my arms, slowly down my legs, and all the way down to my toes. The loud heartbeat in my head begins to dim, and I take a final breath. Good riddance cruel world… hello darkness.

I can feel my eyes snap open and my breath return. I sit up quickly and stare at my chest, there is no knife, no blood, no evidence of my death. For a second I think I’m a ghost, having a weird dream in the afterlife. I pinch my arm, but to my surprise I feel the sharp prick. “I don’t want to be alive…” I whisper. “No, no, no, no!!!” I scream to no one in particular. I glance down once more to make sure the blood is gone. Slowly I rise to my feet, still dazed after what just happened. I stumble over to a tree and begin to climb. I grab branch after branch, finally hoisting myself up to the top. I drop my gaze to down below, where the ground waits for me. I let go of the tree, and jump. I feel myself hit the ground, crashing down with a thud. I wait for something beautiful to happen, for something to carry me away. But no one comes, I am still alive.

“This isn’t fair.” I can’t help but say aloud to myself. “I just want to see them again,” my head screams at me. The world took them away from me, and now it won’t let me join them. “What more is there to do once everything you love is gone?” I think to myself. I feel my feet start to move, picking up pace rapidly. I feel myself running faster and faster. Closer and closer to home. Closer to where I know she waits. “I’ll ask her to try again,” I think.

Sooner that I know, I am standing before the old wooden door that I’ve seen slammed in my face so many times. I knock, once, twice, three times. The door is flung open quickly, and now I stare face to face with her. She jumps back and grabs her knife.

“I killed you once already, how are you alive?” She questions. I shrug my shoulders, and try to step around her. She stomps on my foot, blocking my feeble attempt. I feel no pain, and try to get past her once more. Looking past her, I can see the peeling walls of the house I used to call home. The ugly mustard colored wallpaper my little sister insisted she loved. I give up trying to get through the doorway and sit down on the porch.

“Just come inside the house Ellio,” she whispers. I slowly rise and walk inside without interjection. I try not to look at the couch, which still probably has Emmy’s favorite blanket draped over it. I look at my feet and follow the grooves and dents in the floor, which lead me to the dining room table. I sit down in one of the chairs, my chair, the one that doesn’t look like the other four.

“Julia, I think I’m broken…” I half-scream at her. She sits down next to me and rubs my back slowly. “I asked you to kill me… I forced you to do something you would have never wanted to do me otherwise,” I continue. “And yet you had the nerve to not die.” She finishes for me. I try to smile at her, but a weird frown is all that comes out. I think back to when we used to love each other, when we used to kiss in this very house. But… I screwed that up, and then my family left me too. I stupidly said no to the vacation to Costa Rica, wanting alone time after the breakup. I never even took into account what could possibly go wrong. I never thought that their plane would go crashing down into the ocean and that I would never see them again. As I look into her pitiful eyes, I know my life will never be the same again.