Her back pressed into matted carpet, as her eyes followed the ceiling fan move round and round and round and round again. Even as she shut her eyes, they kept spinning underneath the cover of eyelid. She outstretched her arm, forming a cross with her body and turned her palms up towards the ceiling. It was never easy to give up the little control she felt she had, but the release of tension was intoxicating. Her jaw became slack and her eyes rolled to the back of her head. Every muscle in her face twitched trying to adjust to the turnover of power. Her whole body began to convulse and contort. And then black silence filled the space around her. It crept its way into her until she had no control.

“I see you are back, little one,” the void’s voice was smooth and sinister. The tone reflected malice, but a gentle sort animosity. Its voice sought control, not through brute force, but manipulation. It never took control without Lydia’s release. It waited for her patiently, “I was starting to wonder when you let go again.”

Though she gave up control of her body, Lydia was able to communicate with the darkness through her consciousness.

“I needed a break,” she knew she sounded weak and defeated, but this was the only space she’d let her weakness show.

“You can always come to me for a break. Rest here, child."

The darkness engulfed her. Its cold embrace wrapped around he, holding her mind at bay. Whenever she released control to the void, she felt a sense of belonging, she felt needed. A feeling she hasn’t experienced in the last twleve years of her life. She never cared or paid much attention to the actions of the void. _It can’t do any worse than I have already done on my own,_ she once thought ot herself. When Lydia first discovered the void, she was seeking out anything to numb her mind. To quiet the voices in her head. She tried pain killer after pain killer. She would take anything anyone would give her, but nothing gave her the release she desired. After years of seeking, she found Lady Millword. She was supposedly a natural healer. She was able to reach into the minds of the suffering and pull out whatever they desired most. Whether it be calm, happiness, or rage, she was abl to provide. 

In their first meeting, Lady Millword laid crystals on Lydia’s wrists, her chest, and up her legs. At first, Lydia thought this woman was a hoax, but again, she was willing to try anything. Millword sat crisscrossed above Lydia’s head. She pressed her ring and middle fingers into Lydia’s temples. Immediately, Lydia’s mind went blank. For the first time in 7 years, she felt light. Heavy weight lifted from her and she was at peace. When she awoke, crystals were flung about. Lady Millword was breathing heavily; her hands holding up her head. 

“You must leave,” Millword insisted.

“How did you do that?”

“Get out,” Millword stood up and pushed open the door.

“No. Tell me how you did that,” the weight off reality fell back onto her and filled her with impatience and anger.

“You must never go to the place again. Leave.”

Lydia’s frustrations grew. The first taste of peace she has had and it was already being threatened to go away. To leave her. She wouldn’t be abandoned again. She pulled out her knife and flung it into Lady Millord’s hand, pinning it to the door. Millword didn’t flinch. She looked Lydia in the eye, unwilling to back down.

“He will give you death, and you will love him for it. That’s what he told me. You shouldn’t go back to that state. He is too powerful.”

“If death is the only release I can get, I will gladly take it,” Lydia pulled the knife from Millword’s hand and dragged it along her throat.