“**_Hello_**_? This is Ira. This is you right? Lara where are you!? Don’t tell me your out there again pulling this fake mental sh-!”_

**_Beep.

_** “They don’t care, they never did.” **I** thought aloud. Each _squelch _sound under my foot did not **feel** liberating, I didn’t feel triumphant. All I felt was…. **Infuriated.** I was **resentful. **The ones who called themselves my _friends_.. my _family_, even people who..

**_

“You all said you’d be there for me..”

_**

gone.

I’ll keep walking though.

I really don’t find myself caring at this point, I feel as if I’m too far gone. No _one_ single person acknowledges me… If I ever come across these people again, I’d highlight their actions, I’d especially make sure to spout, “you were always conflicting what **you did, and what you said,” **

Their positive words never had any meaning, and I was never a _priority_, even when I was supposed to be a _topic_. No matter what I did, it was never just “**_I_**”, it was always turned, and twisted… to be about _them_. _I_ don’t _ever_ want to meet them _again_.

Im probably having an anxiety attack right now, but I’m not sure.

I was never sure. The one thing I **am** sure about, is that I was never reassured.

I’m tired of these fake, baseless words. Anything they say about **me**, is never true. Why would they offer anything they won’t give? I don’t understand.

No matter what I do nobody ever gets the truth, they read between the lines of things I never said and make up lies. at some point I stopped telling the truth and the truth became a lie. Everything is a lie. **Nobody is true, I tried to be me but at some point the ****_me_**** ****_that I used to be was me no more! All just _****to please everyone so I would stop being treated as a fucking ****_disposable bag _****and with something, ****_anything_****..! Anything other than disdain and I-! …**

**_

Swoosh

_**

I felt my rose tinted hair flow through the wind, fist clenching with murderous intent, and tears welling in my exhaustion ridden eyes.

_ Oh.. _I’m not walking anymore.. **not like anyone cares. **This whole time I’ve been out, only one person has called, and even then it turned into ridicule not even a moment later.

**_Squelch, squelch, squelch…

_**

I… just wish I had **someone**. Someone true, **I wish** I wasn’t here walking blankly down a wet ass path I’ve never seen in my life…

I know I’m alone, I’m not in denial. I’m just still in the phase of thinking, “what if **I had someone**? Someone to **help me through** **this torment**. One which there was never any reason for.. **it’s unfair… so.. so, unfair. **

All my life I’ve tried to be okay, not _act_, “**be”. **There would be no point if it was **fake,** now would it?.. I’ve long abandoned that train of thought. **I don’t care anymore****_._**** **No matter what I do, nothing will change, not with those people.

**_

It’s not true, unless it’s a lie_****.**

Those** **are the words I’ve learned to live by.. I won’t outgrow them no matter hard I try.

**_Squelch… squelch… squelch…

_**Everything will be the same if I stay, but nothing is certain if I leave. **_So I’d rather go. _**They’ve pushed me to the point where uncertainty is comfort, and **truth is nothing more than torture**. No matter how you look at it, **this** **is** certain. **My** people, _no,_ those people… are just like that. I won’t stay.

Looking back, it’s always them. It’s _their_ fault my perception is warped, they were the ones who twisted every single piece of **_truth_** into a _lie_ in the first place. _Not me_. _Them._

_ _This path may not bring me peace, **and** it may not bring me retribution, but at least it won’t bring me the unbearable torment they’ve dealt upon me. This is my decision, and **I **will not change my mind.

It may seem tragic, but **hope** is very scarce for me. **It will** **be** _gone,_ just as soon as it came. Usually set to **become** dispair by those people dwelling back there.

I’ve just come to accept that, that.. is how people are.. and they are most certainly _people._ I’m also not in denial… that I am already like them, but I won’t accept it to _stay _that way.

**_Squelch… squelch… squelch… squelch._**

Even though it’ll be lengthy, _extensive _even… and** **it probably won’t be from them grieving or feeling sorrow for their actions, just their lack of care of me.. I’ve already said goodbye. Maybe after a month or two they’ll finally look inside my room, it won’t take much to open the closet and find it… _But that’s only once they start._

_ _**Your**_ _personality will reflect where you are currently habiting, or where you originated from, and that may or may not be your _truth_, but for me… it’s _unsurprisingly_ **_torture_****. **So I’ve resigned myself to change.

All this life, I’ve been turned into majority, the only time I’ve ever been referred to as a singularity, was when it was a lie. And I am _ready_ to say **goodbye**. So _I will walk this path_ no matter what may come, because in this present, _uncertainty is more comforting than the truth that lies behind. _

_ _

This is for _me._ If I make it to another civilization, past the stream of eerie fog, far across these mountains, far past this valley that I have _never_ crossed not once in this sorry life of mine.. I will become _me.. Lara_.

** I am ****_Lara_****, and this is ****_my_**** truth. **

**_Squelch,

squelch…

squelch..

squelch….

…

_**_LARA’S GOODBYE_

I feel infuriated, resentful… you all said you be there for me.

I am me..?

Nobody is true. I tried to be me but.. at some point the me that I used to be was me no more. All just to please everyone, so I would stop being treated as a fucking disposable trash bag.. and with something.. anything other than disdain, and I

**hope you all know that your nothing, just as insignificant you thought of me.**

I know no one cares..

I wish I had someone to help me through this torment.

It’s unfair..

Be fake.. I don’t care anymore.

It’s not true, unless it’s a lie. _You all taught me that._

So I’d rather go.

Truth… it’s nothing more than torture. _And I will change that._

This is my truth… and I hope it will become your torture.

Goodbye.

****

****

****

****

**I am Lara, and this is my **torturous** truth.**

**_

_** **_

_**

**_

_**