prologue.

amelia

“kiss me. kiss the pain away,” i whisper into his neck, burying my soul along with his.

we are dancing in my mind, to the song “sometimes” from goldmund.

my world is completely filled to the rim and he can be my current.

i’m afraid to live for love the way i used to. love consumes you and later feels like your heart is drowning in an ocean wave you didn’t have a chance to make a choice but to float away constantly looking for a light to guide you to shore.

i know beauty is love, love is beauty, but love is also pain and suffering too. am i willing to sacrifice my heart again for another’s burning veins? another home for my heart and soul to lay? where my body feels safe in his warmth that i can already feel from the very tip of my toes. i’ve been wondering if i’ve seen him in my dreams. he feels too familiar. from his olive skin, doe eyes and full lips. his hands felt like suicide on my waist, especially, when he gently lifts my face towards him and stares into my eyes when i shed tears. and i know this feeling all too well but, there is a certain amount of energy inside of him. it’s like i’m looking right through him when he connects his eyes to mine and doesn’t pull away first. his power in them is enough for me to be the first to look away at the wall beside him to avoid the light and darkness inside of his irises. his eyes felt like temptation and a temple for my being to rest.

“i’ll protect you and then i’ll save you.” he hovers his lips on my forehead while my face is still buried in his scent. a mix of cigarettes, weed and dove soap. it’s like breathing in a breath of fresh air, as if i’ve smelt earth for the first time, air hitting my lungs and pain relief from my tense jaw.

i’m terrified.