If only I’d said no

When the priest asked.

If only I hadn’t lied my life away in chains of my own making.

If only.

Instead I painted my best smile,

Letting that word fall from my lips

followed by his own.

As we kissed I felt the shackles lock in place,

Cold dread creeping in my bones.

But I didn’t let it shake me,

Convinced my price would save my family.

Money they truly needed,

Even if it came out of pockets such as his.

‘They need the money’ I told myself.

My happiness was secondary but oh how I wish I’d said no.

For the tragedy he brought was worse than working five jobs to get us by.

The chaos he ensued was not worth it’s price.

And by the end there was nothing that hadn’t been touched by the plague of him.

Nothing that couldn’t be considered a part of the wreck.

If only I’d said no,

I’d still have a family left to protect.