I want to die.

No, really I do.

No, not the “man I’m gonna kill myself” type of thinking

but the type where I’m thinking of killing myself

like homework I’ll do later.

Not the type where I say it and never do it

but The type where I’m really close to finding some way to end my life.

To finish it up and put an end to it

instead of procrastinating it.

It’s at a point where no matter

how much my friends try to tell me not too

to put down the pen and do something useful

I can’t stop thinking of doing it

like it needs to be done.

No more pushing it back

no more denying.

To put the pen down

would be to ball it all up

and I cannot do that anymore.

It’s like I can never escape from it

never get away

until I go through with it

until I stop procrastinating

until I do my homework

…

I should do my homework.