Another 12 hour night shift done. Another patient too young to leave the living world. He was an addict, he unfortunately ended up with an infection from a syringe that had already been used. He was only 21. When he came in, his heartbeat was continuously slowing down, I gave him CPR for 2 minutes, switched with Mary for the next 2, and then back to me. But we lost him. I wish I had to opportunity to talk to him, understand the circumstances that made him start drugs. Maybe he had childhood trauma, maybe he hung out with the wrong crowd. I wish I could do that with all the patients I lose. I think I would become too attached though. Being desensitized to continuous death is easier than mourning the loss of someone’s child, friend, parent. People thank me for doing this job, I chose it because I thought I would be helping people. And I do, but I see so much death and sadness. And no human is equipped to see it that often.