I sat in the chair for most of my day, thinking about simply getting up.

I did get up, several times; to urinate, to eat, to pick up the remote.

But I didn’t do any of the things I really thought to do.

Why didn’t I do that?

Why didn’t I get up and listen to music, sing to myself, and dance when I wanted to?

Why didn’t I make that video, or write that idea down, or call my friend?

Why didn’t I write at all? My fan fiction is coming along just fine, why not? Why didn’t I work on something else? My book? Why didn’t I read anything?

My phone was RIGHT there, I was on it! I thought about it, then I just kept going on.

My books,

MY books,

My books,

And my books.

All wasted again on another day.

Is something seriously wrong with me? Is my brain irreparably damaged? Have I finally lost my mind?

Oh shit, no, I’m horribly anxious again.

Breathe in

Breathe out

Breathe in

Breathe out

Breathe in

Breathe out

Oh no

Now I’m manually breathing again.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no—

Stop it.

Focus.

It is night time, it is 3am. You must sleep, Erin. You must. Tomorrow you can try it all again.

Tomorrow.

Yes.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will be perfect. I will not waste a second of tomorrow. Today? Whatever. I will wake up at a good time, I will stretch and exercise. I will go outside— probably not. It is icy. But still, I will be in the sunshine, somehow. I will talk to my friends. I will apply for jobs. I will write so much— SO much. I will eat healthy food, no sweets tomorrow. I will post on Instagram. I will post on prompt. I will post on Wattpad. I will post on YouTube. I will listen to music. I will sing. I will shower. I will brush the cat. I will meet someone new. I will bake a croissant. I will fall in love. With a person or a croissant?

Both.

To do all this, all I have to do is fall asleep.

Fall asleep so I can wake up, refreshed and ready to start a new day.

A new day of new beginnings, new possibilities, a brand new life!

Just go to bed, it will all be there when you wake up.

That’s it.

Lay down.

Close your eyes.

Wrap yourself in your blanket.

Wait a little bit.

A little more.

A little more.

A little more.

A little more.

A little more.

Fuck.