And it wasn’t lust

And it wasn’t love

It wasn’t trust

It wasn’t trust

It wasn’t trust

But what it was

Was what it has been

And what shall be and

And what wasn’t then

He was a fraud

I didn’t know I was buying counterfeit

It was counterfeit

It was counterfeit

He was a spurious portrait of a projection of an idea

Created from everything he wasn’t and everything he would never be

And I bought it, like that ring that turned my finger green from that table shop at the beach that one summer while you stayed back at the hotel with covers over your face letting me know I should be punished

I should be punished

I should be punished

because how dare I ever enjoy a vacation for myself and not tend to every wound you dig into your own skin, how dare I not bandage it up and apologize.

I didn’t put that knife to you with your own hand, Like I didn’t put a drink to your lips that night you tried to kill us both in that shitty silver hatchback in a church parking lot, there was no god that night

I didn’t know about your eating disorder why didn’t you tell me about your eating disorder