I was never there when it happened. I was never by their side. I’m alone now. Alone in the world, alone in the wind.

I’ve held in my tears for so long. I always wanted to pretend it never happened. But I forced myself to come here- for _them_.

I forced myself to come here so I could accept it for once.

It had never felt real. I had kept pretending that they weren’t gone. That it was just yet another figment of my imagination that had gone wrong.

When my dreams poured into reality and I couldn’t figure out what was fact and what was fiction.

But there was no denying it now. The wind blew cold around me and the long blades tickled at my legs. Every single sensation buried deep inside me. Each one reminding me what I was missing.

It was so surreal now. None of it was real. It was beautiful-the field-in every way. The glowing light from the setting sun dancing with the blades, reflecting its golden light right back into my eyes. Flowers grew here now-the red ones-poppy’s.

Nothing that pretty should be allowed to grow in such a place.

If only I could lie down, and stay here forever. Stay with the ones that I have lost forever.

If only I could have been there with them. But that never would have been allowed. Never would have been a possibility.

And yet- now here I am, in the fields of France. Standing at last, side-by-side with my friends.