I didn’t decide it; the shadow did. I watched myself wither in the mirror, day after day, losing weight no matter what I ate, becoming paler from staying inside and clinging to the darkness. That darkness became by safe space, my shadow, and the shadow became me.

Those who see me now stare openly, taking in something they don’t understand. Breathing, functioning, but a shadow - a shell of a former human who had hopes, dreams, friends, and family, a lifetime ago.

I stare back at myself sometimes, too, there in the mirror. I smile to see the darkened teeth, then quickly close my mouth again. I scratch the bags under my eyes and flick a split tongue over my cracked lips.

My shadow is my life now.