*"Well, tell us a little about yourself, Joan."

"Oh! I, um, well, I enjoy bowling."

*"Ah."

"And bobbing for apples..."

*"Must be hard to do with friends during a pandemic."

"True, true. Umm... I hate the sound of fiddles but I adore the sound of the violin."

*"Aren't those-"

"I have 10.5 toes..."

*"Point... five?"

"My eyebrows hurt just before a storm rolls in-"

*"Well, that's unfortunate."

"And I always loved snakes until I woke up with one in my bed."

*(Swallow)

(Blink)

*"I - I'm so sorry, Ms. Maloan. What do snakes have to do with the job you're applying for? You are here to interview for our history professor vacancy, yes?"

"That's right. Hisssssstory."

*(Blink)

(Swallow)

*"Ma'am-"

"Quarantine's been BORING, ok? I need a reason to leave my house."

*"Yikes - all instruction is remote this year."

"Dangit. I had so many jokes queued up. Ones like, 'I'll be your best boa INSTRUCTOR.'"

*"Thank God we aren't desperate to hire."

"But I'd make a great civil...SERPENT."

*"That joke doesn't even work for this job."

"But I would."

*"The only thing you'd 'work,' Ms. Maloan, is my nerves."

"Now that's just cold blooded."

*"Well, I'm nothing if not...charming."

And that's the story of how Joan met her first husband. The dress code? UpSCALE.