You would think that the symptoms of my anxious attachment style would've eased when we began living together. That was nearly two years ago and for most of that time I still couldn't shake the distraction of swirling in my gut when I knew you 'should' be home and yet you weren't.

You finished work at 17:15. I'd be relaxed, watching TV or reading a book, knowing that you were where you were 'supposed' to be. 17:30. Still calm, you might be walking to your car now. 17:50. Where are you? Did something happen? Are you safe? 19:00. Are you coming home? I check the bedroom to make sure your charger is still plugged in next to the bed. I check the bathroom to ensure your toothbrush is still in the pot by the sink. 21:00. I can't concentrate on reading anymore, the panic is in full force. I guess I'll eat without you. 23:00. I'll get in bed now but I won't sleep. I send you message after message. Where are you? Do you still love me? 02:00. I hear the jangle of your keys in the lock. My body instantly relaxes. It was all fine. There was an emergency at work and you stayed to support the night staff. The panic ebbs away as if it were never there and I begin to feel silly and guilty. Why did I ever doubt you? When did I become so pathetic? The cycle went on.

Recently, I have begun to break the cycle. I remain to be far from perfect, however, I have learned to reinforce the same advice within myself that I have passed on countless times to others. That being that we should not worry about things which are not within our control. Now when I hear the jangle of your keys in the lock, it only signifies that you've come back, but I no longer need you.