Shhh.

You can’t tell anyone.

Promise?

I’ve fucked up everything.

Absolutely everything.

Here, I’ll take you back to the beginning:

I liked a girl.

She was beautiful,

She was funny,

She was chaotic,

She was…

She was amazing.

She was everything I could ever want.

And, by some miracle of fate,

She liked me too.

And we got together in a slightly weird way,

But it had the same result.

We hang out all the time,

We texted for hours on end,

We…

We fell in love.

And it was fireworks

And shooting stars

And bursts of lighting

And everything magical.

But then it all fell apart.

She…

She wasn’t always nice.

My friends hated her.

But I kept hanging on,

Even when she ignored me,

Even when she yelled at me,

Even when she hurt me.

But eventually it was too much.

It just hurt so badly every time I talked to her.

So I broke up with her.

I didn’t regret it,

I knew it was the right thing to do.

I just couldn’t take it anymore.

She was too much for me.

But I still thought she was an amazing person,

She was just meant for someone else.

So why did it piss me off when she got someone else?

It was someone I was friends with,

Someone I knew would treat her right.

Why did it kill me to see them so happy?

Why did I act like I hated her,

Feel so much annoyance -

But whenever anyone asked,

I meant it when I said she was a good person?

Why did I feel…

Whatever that was…

When they broke up?

What the hell am I doing?

And why did it sting so much when she

(Someone I supposedly didn’t care about)

Texted me to say I was a good person and she wanted to be friends

Only after they broke up?

Why can I not get her out of my head,

Even though we’ve been talking again for just over a day?

Why, why, why?

Why am I like this?

What’s wrong with me?

And…

Is it truly wrong to want her back?

It’s fine, as long as I don’t do anything about it…

…right?