Friday

Alright. This is going to sound insane, so I'm just going to let it out.

I've been abducted by aliens...or at least I think they're aliens, I haven't actually seen them since I woke up. For all I know I could have been taken by a group of space colony individuals...but to that extent what the hell would they want with me? I'm not exactly smart and I don't know a thing about science.

To that degree what the hell would aliens want to do with me?

Whatever. I'm in space.

Your first question might be..."Well, Ken, how the hell do you know that you were abducted by aliens?"

How do I know that I was abducted by aliens? Because I can see the friggin Earth from my window. I can legit turn to my right and see Planet. Fucking. Earth.

Now, I'll admit I freaked the fuck out when I realized what was going on. I screamed and screamed, I cried for a couple of hours (I think, I don't have a watch on me), and I banged my hand on the wall because I can't find the door to this cell that I'm in.

But then...after an unknown amount of time, I started to think about everything. I started to put everything into perspective.

I hated my life back on Earth. I wasn't happy with my job, my love life was an embarrassing disaster, and my homelife was an absolute trainwreck.

Maybe this is for the best?

Saturday

So. I met the Aliens. Ridley Scott fucking NAILED it. The aliens from his movies are literally the aliens that abducted me! But here's the thing...they're the nicest species, or whatever the hell you want to call them...EVER.

Due to their advanced technology, they were able to understand everything that I said, and they were able to communicate with me fluidly. These things speak fluent English and it's fucking bonkers!

The alien I spent the most time with, preferred to go by the name Howard. So that's what I called him. I asked him why he preferred to go by the name "Howard" and he just said he thought it was a cool name. Right off the bat, he asked how I'd slept and apologized (like 100 times) for abducting me in the middle of the night.

I asked him what their intentions were for me and why they abducted me. And he quite simply said that they wanted to pick up an average guy. Normally, I'd be offended at something like this but I wasn't, I was honored. They said they just wanted to know the day-to-day life of an average twenty-one-year-old who lived in the city. And I was happy to tell him. I told him about my life, and even though I found it mundane and boring, he thought my life was remarkable.

He took me around their entire ship, introduced me to a few of the other aliens, and explained what their day-to-day roles were, and he even said that at some point I'd meet the Queen.

Before I go any further, I have to mention the food (sue me if this feels out of place, this is my damn journal). Once again, thanks to their technology, they're literally able to produce any kind of Earth food with the press of a button. I had Bacon and Eggs for breakfast and it was the best damn breakfast I'd ever had. Both the eggs and bacon were cooked to perfection. It made me wish I'd ordered something more elaborate. For lunch, I had the best damn bowl of Ramen I'd ever experienced. And for dinner...Lobster Tail and Prime Rib and, I'm just going to say it, a legit orgasm for my mouth.

Before I returned to my "quarters" (as they prefer to call it), I asked Howard how Ridley Scott nailed their appearance. I asked if they were okay with being portrayed as vicious killing machines. Howard just laughed, and then he said that they all preferred to be seen like that.

Sunday

I met the Queen (Preferred name Becky). And once again she looked just like she did in the Aliens movie by James Cameron. And once again, the nicest alien...ever I spent the entire day with her and I had a blast.

She told me that they'd always been intrigued by human civilization. Good or bad, highs and lows they found us to be remarkable. How we went on with our day-to-day lives, the fact that we had jobs that we had to commute to. The idea of finding a mate and creating a family was intriguing to them. I learned that they were mainly a solo species, that that was the norm for them.

They took me through the entire Solar System and I gotta say, it was the most visually mesmerizing thing I'd ever experienced. Movies and TV don't do it justice, and to be honest, I don't think they ever will. I legitimately can't describe it, my words would never do it justice. And maybe that's fine...maybe this experience was meant for just me.

It made me sad that their intention was to only keep me for the weekend. And despite them loving what I did on Earth, I really didn't see a point or an urge to go back. Like I said my home life was a wreck, and to be blunt, I doubted my parents would even know that I was gone.

So...

I asked Becky if I could stay. I also pitched my case to Howard.

They thought it over, and they actually spoke in their native language. Which consisted of a bunch of growls and hisses (Just like the movies).

Becky stated that at some point I would have to go home and that they couldn't keep me forever...but that for the time being they'd be honored to have a human being on their vessel to inform them of the day-to-day lives of an average Earth human. Becky asked if I was okay with staying with them for a little longer.

I told them that I'd be honored.