People say they think I’m brave When they see my adventures a many They do not know that underneath Is a mind in fear, unsteady

It may seem like I mirror a goodness Like the world’s light in me’s reflected Instead I absorb it into a darker state Where light is not to be expected

The people can see a smile so warm A love behind my eyes Beneath the surface is still unknown I’ve perfected my disguise

Stars above, please guide me to see That there’s something out there, something waiting for me I look to the skies and I wait for God’s sign That the path will show up with their light as my guide Praying for the universe to wake up and see me Wishing so hard on a star that can’t help me I look to the stars to help me find a way now they’re just falling to the ground and even they won’t stay Dreams that I send them are lost in the ether They’ve all fallen tonight and I’ll be lost all together

Sometimes in a hospital, silence is a voice, the strangest noise. Reprogrammed with buzzers and beeping machines, noise is etched into our brains as a constant focus. I don’t think that will ever go. I will miss the silence though.

I hadn’t thought I would miss it here, I was so focused on leaving it all behind that I forgot to realise what it was I was walking away from. It was a community, a hum that I was so used to. I gave it one last try, and this time I thought it was going to work for me but I got slighted. Maybe the boss didn’t like what I was asking for. Maybe she didn’t like that I wanted my cake and to eat it too. I wish I had known what the future was, because now I have two weeks to say goodbye to a place I’ve known for so many years.

I’ve been told to “wait” before making the last decision. My time is running out and I need to let the closure begin. Do I give it one last go?

I tried so hard to be what I thought you wanted. The funny thing is, I think I was the person you wanted for a while, but then you just changed your mind. I spent so long refining my ways, my patterns, my love for you, to be just what you needed. Then you changed and decided that you wanted more. You have a right to change your mind, of course you do. To make me feel like I wasn’t good enough was the hurtful part. You made me feel like I was the one not good enough for you, that there were things going on in my head when you led me to believe them in the first place. That’s not fair, look what you have done. Look what you have created.

An ally that I thought I had I could only see the good, not bad At first it showed itself so suddenly Now all I see is a truth so ugly

You made us think that we were wrong Covering up your shame so long As we questioned why we were so awful To think that you were good and lawful

You fooled us once, but not again I cannot trust you, I won’t pretend You want it back and I can’t give so easily A unconditional love I once gave so freely

It still is there, I’ll love you always Though I can’t forget the pain and heartache Realising that we are not so similar
The person I thought was my familiar.

“You’re back” it says with a cheery whisper. “I’m back” she said. “I thought it would be longer before I would be, but here I am” Sammy felt the vibrations of death around her, almost like it was shuddering at Sammy’s warm body hitting her frozen grasp again. Relaxing her body, Sammy didn’t even flinch at deaths cold fingertips. After all, it was the second time this week, and it was becoming more frequent now that she was older. Right before her heart stopped this time, it had beat her into a sweat. Deaths icy fingertips were a welcome chill. “One day” Sammy thought to herself. “One day I will just stay here forever and I will never really know why or what happened” Sammy had known death her whole life, they were familiar in a way a nosy neighbour would be in a young lady’s life. Death was there, popping in and out for a chat and gossip, willing her advice and wisdom. Sammy was comfortable with her in a way she had never been with anyone else. She felt understood. When she left, Death left the door open a little more each time as Sammy grew older, so that Sammy never really knew at what point death expected her to follow. She wanted to many times. Her and death would talk about real things, things that souls were made of. Sammy didn’t need to open up to death because death already knew her inside and out. “Why can’t I just follow her?” Sammy said. “It won’t let me” Death would be there, patiently waiting, but understanding why Sammy could not yet follow. She never told Sammy when or how it would happen when it finally came. So when the time came and her heart stopped beating for those minutes, Sammy’s soul felt free. Coming back around was the hardest part. Every heartbeat felt like a door closed, and her dear friend death was left behind for the real world to consume her again. “Until next time” Sammy would think, wondering if then, maybe then, she could bring a key for death to find her when she pleased.

The spark had not existed Until our eyes had met Her hand upon my shoulder Her face I’ll never forget

She waited on my turn To point to the book in my hand I could not have read a line of it It’s words, I couldn’t understand

Because my breath was taken away My mind it went so cloudy I hadn’t know such utter connection Until that love had found me

I tried to blink but all I saw Were our two worlds that were colliding A page she turned and pointed out The chapter called “First Sighting”

She smiled and laughed As I stood in awe At a chapter like our story Could I skip to the end of the book? To learn if love has found me?

When cries stop being heard That’s when we must pay attention A war raging on for weeks We become immune to the mentions

“Because life just goes on” “we all have our things” Is just an excuse to downplay all the guilt playing ignorance brings

We all have our hardships I know that we do I remain grateful for a life Where I have a hope I can turn to

I could think of anything, but I’m thinking about them.

I’m not sure how I feel about it. They’re cool and mysterious. Serious faced except when something makes them laugh and then I can’t stop looking. They are gorgeous. I’ve always thought that about them, if only we had more time together. “I don’t think they care to get to know the real me, the one who laughs and loves and thinks” I say to myself. I’d love to know if this would be real, even a friendship.

I can’t tell if they’re a loner or if they are so popular that they know who they will like and who they won’t. I am afraid to think that I won’t be someone they would choose friendship with. Or anything else for that matter. I try, or have tried but maybe not hard enough. They do intimidate me, but damn that’s sexy in itself and I’m all over it. “Got to keep going, otherwise it’ll all just be fantasy talk and you’ll never get work done just daydreaming of them…”. But it’s impossible when their face is in my head.

I’m sure it is paradise, but I am alone Natural beauty, untouched A day is far too long Without another human soul to share it with

Wild animals roam free Nothing to hurt me But sinking loneliness Just one hammock in the tree

Hummingbirds sing, sweet songs to each other My laughter goes unheard What life is this, if not to know another? I would rather have been spared