If we had said this goodbye just a few months before,

I know that my heart would have forever been sore

My eyelashes would be dampened with tears

And the permanent pain in my head would have no cure

But she is not the same girl I would have said goodbye to a few months ago

It’s like the love she had for me was just to borrow

She said she loved me but was it all a lie?

Was her life a crime and her relationship with me an alibi?

So I can’t help but smile as her car drives away

Because now I know she was a predator disguised as a sweet girl and I was her prey

At the end of this smog smeared path lays a promised destiny. A paradise that is beyond this world. With each step I take on this path forged by fate, I am brought closer to this oasis. I can barely contain myself as my pace begins to quicken along the road. I find myself cutting through the mist that lays in my way as if I were using a knife.

My surroundings as I continue to walk are as beautiful as the place I am heading. The wind hums a soothing and soft tone while it dances through the leaves of the drooping willow trees. The sky above is vibrant blue and the clouds are pillows way up high with the sun beaming through them.

But as I continue, the area surrounding me doesn’t stay as nice. The clouds transform from pillows to dark grey boulders shielding the sun. The wind’s song has turned from a harmonious melody to a dark symphony. The path beneath my feet is creaking with each step I take and as I get closer to my final destination, the noise gets louder.

I begin to lose the skip in my step and the chipper spirit I was in vanishes. The mist that lays in my path has grown thicker and more abundant, almost completely blocking the view even just 2 inches from my face. I desperately thread my way through the bellowing smoke.

Just as I start to think I’ll be in this bubble of smoke forever, I see a blinding light.

I’m here.

Right before I reach the towering gates of this destination, a powerful wind sweeps over. It roars like a fierce tiger and pounces on me like one as well. It makes me lose my footing and moments later, I’m at the edge of this winding path, hanging 1000 foot in the air with only one arm supporting me.

My finger begins to slip and I feel the ground calling my name as it pulls me down.

Normally, I would be scared in this situation. But you see, I’m not scared of death.

I’m not scared of death because I’m already dead.

This wasn’t just any path, it was the path to Heaven.

His arms move back and forth above his head gracefully, with so much ease that they seem to cut through the delicate air.

The tears that coat his face not only symbolize the pain he feels inside but the pain we all hide away. The way he allows the tears to forge a path down his face is unpredictable yet so much power is held in the path they take.

He begins to pound his flaming hands against the ground, crying out desperately. He seems to be calling out for someone to care. For someone to notice the pain he hides behind his baby blue eyes. Showing that sometimes you need to speak loudly or no one will notice the silent roar within you.

The dim sunlight seeps through the shattered window and eerily coats the room I used to call home. Over the years, this barely standing apartment has become a part of me. Its moldy walls were there for me to lean against when I couldn’t take the stress anymore and would collapse beside them into a ball of anguish. The couch always provided a sanctuary for whatever I was going through. It was there for me when I laid numb with tears rolling down my damp cheeks and was still there when Nolyah and I would hold each other close, feeing as though us and this couch were the only things that existed in this world. This apartment wasn’t just a safe place I could hide from the enemies that were hunting me down, it was a home. My home. That was before everything changed. Before Nolyah died. Before I decided to stop being a hero forever. Before I lost everything I had ever lived for. Before I decided there was no point living.

This apartment was too painful to live in. A constant reminder of all the memories laced in agony and all the memories I will never have the chance to make. I thought by leaving I would finally have a chance at peace. An opportunity to start over. But pretending my life here didn’t exist didn’t make it go away.

I was gone for a year and not once did my mind escape the thought of Nolyah. Not once did my eyes not see her lifeless face. My ears not hear her soft and soothing voice. My hands not feel the sensation of her smooth skin. My nose not smell her rose and lavender scent.

Because no matter how far I ran away, it was never far enough to escape the thought of her.