The sun suffocates and the ground sinks, all of my thoughts I could ever think are suddenly evaporated, like every drop of water in this place. My mom promised we’d find a better place. She died before we could. We had two backpacks full of water bottles, it wasn’t dehydration. We rested often, and we brought enough food, it wasn’t starvation. A thick cloud of dust engulfed her. She disappeared, and she wasn’t coming back. I knelt down and cried. The salty tears reached my mouth and I was forced to spit all of the salt I had curated. She left me alone. She promised me she wouldn’t. She said we could make it, just the two of us. She promised me, she promised me, she promised- “Ma’am, are you ok?” I look up from my daydream and nod. “It seems you’re struggling. I think we need to prescribe something.” She waits for a response, but I don’t give her one. She sighs. “I’m sorry, I really am, but I can’t help you if you don’t try.” I say nothing. “I know your mother’s passing-” I look up at her sternly, and she stops talking. “I’ll see you next week.”
I lay in my bed. I watched too many heartbreaking news stories that I can’t do anything about. The pills aren’t doing anything, and I’ve contemplated things that I mustn’t one too many times. I suppose my mother never meant to leave me. Cancer isn’t really one’s best friend. But it doesn’t matter. She’s gone nonetheless. I try to move on, but it’s hard. Especially since it’s only been a few weeks. I often ask myself what the point is, and I can never find an answer. Everyone berates you with the idea that there’s always a point, but they fail to give an explanation as to why.
My mom always wanted me to go to college. I did it to make her happy. But she’s not here. Why am I doing this for her if she can’t even see it? I don’t know. . I just can’t bring myself to leave.
Still here. It’s super boring, don’t worry.
I met someone today. Maybe I can live for him.
I think I understand it now. Living isn’t for yourself, it’s for others. To brighten other people’s lives, not your own. And if you don’t have anyone, find someone. There will always be someone looking for love. It’s been hard for me, but I think I’ve finally begun to heal. And I’ve got a job, kudos to me.
