Stuck in here with nothing left to endure My bloodline left nothing else to atone for No legacy or property or business deals I wanna succeed just to let them know how it feels
You think you can handle me I don’t think so, no, not really Be prepared My ego can crack a hole through this damn ceiling
Tell me, how do you feel? Don’t ignore that ache on your heel Wherever you’re going I hope that you know That your future is growing Forever atoning The almighty ocean Full of lost hopes And breaking the motions
So know where you’re going Life won’t be fair So be careful out there
Get me out Get me out Get me out Let me out Let me out Let me out
I’m crawling out of my skin In desperation to escape I can no longer deny My inevitable fate If there’s anything I could possibly do To get the Hell out of here I would do it in a second And carve a smile from ear to ear
“Purpose” doesn’t mean happy Emotions are no longer what I care for I’m drivin by the restlessness and rage Of the past that I endured I am overreacting and selfish A product of my own bloodline My past weighs heavy on my shoulders As I gaze at a mountain to climb
I am surrounded by contentment All including my own Painfully, blissfully unaware Of the big man claiming his throne He’s watches us obsess over numbers Grades, Money, Ranks While we think we’re climbing the latter He’s just busy making bank
“Purpose” doesn’t mean happy Emotions are no longer what I care for I’m drivin by the restlessness and rage Of the past that I endured I am overreacting and selfish A product of my own bloodline My past weighs heavy on my shoulders As I gaze at a mountain to climb
After years of grief and turmoil I’ve made it to the top People flock to celebrate my name While I’m busy watching the clock Success goes with my name But I don’t see that as my fate I watch the hours tick by As I await my grand escape
Car horns Bustling voices Leaves scrapping the ground
Laughing Joyous noises From the Earth of which I am bound
I find joy in every breath Every moment a miracle I know not even death Can stop this grand Ferris wheel
I see my blessings So endless and beautiful Made of efforts not my own
I swim in riches Money, friends, health As I fidget on my throne
Destiny is laid out for me A life of boundless dreams The thought of it all unfolding Makes me want to scream
I’ll grow up in legacy Bejeweled and worshipped Seeing life through a lense
Naive And selfish Of the state the world is in
Beyond my blessings I have my own dreams I wake up each night screaming of them I want to strip my life of everything And burn down this whole damn kingdom
We’re corrupted and evil I know myself as such Bleeding from the inside out
I see those outside Hungry and yearning Keeling over in mournful bouts
I am not blind, I see life for what it is I want to run and scream and shout I happily share my fortune with my family As I yearn for a way out
Peaceful. Everything was peaceful. The wind blew and cicadas chirped in the trees. There was talking in the far distance: one voice coming from the far left, and one from the far right. They were the voices of teachers, lecturing students on various topics of their chosen classes. Some students listened to the teacher’s knowladge, some listened to the cicadas and rustling of the leaves from the wind. But none spoke a word, not even a sound. The students were split into two groups: middle schoolers in one group and high schoolers in another.
A man come out of the building situated in front of the two outdoor class, being held in metal structures, making a triangle between the three buildings. The man stepped towards the large, tall bell in front of the building and rang it by pulling down on a rope. The bell made slow, deep bangs like a gong being hit rhythmically; alerting all the students to line up in front of the main building.
Noise then ensued as students hurriedly packed their things and walked towards the building for lunch. Friends met up from different classes, now able to talk as they pleased, eager to converse about things learnt in class.
“Man, this is way better than school classes, at least we actually get to learn about things we enjoy.” Said Caitlyn in joyful spirits, as always.
“Yeah, right. Much better than learning about math.” Rachel replied. This was one of the many advantages of going to camps over the Summer, most of the students enjoyed free time and social hours, but classes were well attended to, as they were the true reason each student had payed to be there. Especially at the church camp Rachel and Caitlyn visited every year, which was a church camp usually accompanied by the same churches, each student was dedicated to the study here as well as dedicated to the friendships made and mostly sustained at this very camp.
The friends continued to converse of the topics discussed in class that day as they lined up in their grade line for lunch. When the whole camp came to the main building, each grade, separated by gender, lined up in their respective groups. Then, each group was called one-by-one into the dining hall to get their food.
Eventually, Rachel and Caitlyn’s group, the sophomore girls, got called into the dining hall. Because of the small quantity of children at the camp, about 80, even the dining hall seemed calm as students piled in. Caitlyn seemed excited to get lunch over with, since they had on hour and a half of free time afterwards. She planned to climb the mountain during the first half since she had signed up for it that morning during breakfast. Despite her only friend at camp going, Rachel had no desire herself to climb the mountain. At home, she went to the gym three times a week to stay in shape, but no more than necessary, and not for fun, either.
“Are you sure you don’t wanna climb the mountain?” Caitlyn asked for the thousandth time. “I’m sure they would still let you go if you asked.”
“Oh, I really am okay.” Rachel replied, determined to not get stuck climbing up a mountain in the 104 degree weather.
“What are you gonna do while I’m gone?” Sounding a bit disappointed that her friend would not accompany her.
Rachel shrugged “I’m sure I’ll find something to do. I’ll probably end up in the crafts station.” She replied.
“Okay, but I’ll be hiking the mountain every day this week, so feel free to join whenever you would like.” She stated, sounding hopeful.
“Maybe tomorrow.” Rachel replied.
Once they were done for lunch, Caitlyn went to find the group of hikers she would be going to the mountains with as Rachel waved her goodbye. After the group had left, the dining hall became little more than vacant, with a few lingering students and teachers. As Rachel looked around and spotted something that caught her eye. A piano on the far corner of the stage in the front of the dining hall. Rachel, who was about a month into piano lesson, had the immediate temptation to start playing. But, decided against the thought, as she had no music nor confidence in the matter.
She walked out of the dining hall and stood in front of it, taking in the sounds of the laughter and basketballs being dribbled in the distance. She looked fondly at the tall mountain up ahead, wondering how far Caitlyn and the team would climb. She admired Caitlyn’s bravery. Not only was Rachel not interested in hiking, but she also had fear of injury that prevented her from climbing the mountain. From Caitlyn’s countless stories of rolling her ankles while hiking, Rachel was impressed that she still wanted to climb,showing her passion for hiking, and that, even when she feared, nothing could stop her from doing what she loved. Rachel realized that she needed that same passion for what she loved to do, and that fear of judgment from other people in the dining hall would get her no where. She walked back into the dining hall, spotting the leader of the church camp.
“Hello, is it okay if I play the piano?”. Rachel asked, pointing her thumb to the piano over her shoulder.
“Why, of course! That piano hasn’t been used much, I’d be glad to hear someone play it again.” The man said.
She smiled at him, but hesitated once again, realizing that she had an audience in the room, which had now grown from the crafting station being held in the dining hall.
“What’s wrong, worried that people might judge?” The man said, scanneing the room, still filling up with new people and teachers.
Rachel looked down, a little embarressed “Yeah, I only just started lessons about a month ago; I’m not too great at it yet. I only wanted to play so I wouldn’t get behind in practice.” She explained, slightly wishing she would have never requested to play.
“Ah, no worries. We do have a piano player on a our staff currently looking for something to do if you would feel better accompanied by him?”
Rachel nodded. “Very well then, I will call him and grab some beginner sheet music from our music library.” Rachel perked up at the words ‘music library’ and waited excitedly to start playing, trying not to think of the crowd.
A frail man with thin glasses and a few books carried in one hand walked up to Rachel a few minutes later. “I hear you need some one to accompany you with the piano?” He said, smiling at Rachel.
They made their way to the piano, where Rachel sat down at the bench and hovered her hands over the keys. The frail man flipped through the books a laid one down on the music stand for Rachel to play off of. The music looked more complicated than Rachel was used to. The man stood there expectantly “This should be good, yes?” He asked.
“Um, yes, this is good.” Rachel replied, too embarressed to ask for an easier piece.
She glanced at the crowd, catching the stare of many eyes looking up at her. She suddenly got very nervous, and the music was much harder to read as her mind started racing. She had never given a public performance.
“You said you were only doing this for practice, correct?” The man asked her.
“Uh, yes.” She answered with uncertainty.
“Well, then don’t be worried about the crowd. After all, they are focused on their craft anyways.” He said confidently
Rachel looked nervously and her hands hovering over the piano building the courage to play. She imagined the crowd starting to look up at, casting their judgment to any mistake she might make. But, remembering Caitlyn’s bravery for her passion, she knew she had to get over her fears so she could do the things she loved. Then, she started playing, trying to read the music and move her hands to it at the same time. Her hands danced rather non-gracefully over the keys, hitting the wrong ones and creating less than pleasant sounds. She tried to play confidently, hoping it would make the music magically sound better. But, it sounded more like she was playing keys at random with no music whatsoever. None the less, after what seemed like forever, Rachel finished the song.
After it was over, she rested her hands on her lap, looking over at the man in panic. The man looked back at her completely dumbfounded. His expression changed from shock to serenity, looking at Rachel with kind eyes.
“Was that your first performance?” He asked.
“Yeah.” She replied in barely a whisper.
“Well, I suppose there is always room for improvement. Care to try an easier song?” He asked as the dining hall door opened behind him; the group of hikers walked in. It was then that Rachel realized that she had spent the whole first half of free time giving the worst performance of her life. She looked over at the crowd of staring, half-shocked faces; each one slowly going back to their crafts.
Caitlyn spotted Rachel over at the piano and shouted “Rachel! I didn’t know you performed!” She proclaimed, sounding excited.
“Oh, trust me, this is a one and done thing.” Some people in the crowd snickered at the reply.
Caitlyn had turned her attention to the newly opened canteen, but the man’s focus was still on Rachel.
“Well, I must admit, that was diffenatly far from the best performance I’ve heard. But, I think you have very high potential. Maybe you skill doesn’t show it, but the bravery and love for your passion you must have to perform in front of a crowd when your not perfected in ability shows me that you can go far. Continue to be brave, kid.” He patted her gently on the shoulder and walked away.
Despite the horrors of the performance she had just given, Rachel felt strangely good about herself. Proud of her bravery and ambition, which she never had before, she happily walked over to Caitlyn.
“You look happy, I’m assuming the performance went well.” Caitlyn stated.
“Oh, there’s definitely room for improvement.” Rachel replied with a small chuckle.
She laughed, “So, does that mean you’ll climb the mountain with me tomorrow?”
Rachel looked over her shoulder longingly at the piano, “Actually, I think might just give another performance tomorrow, but maybe with an easier song.”
There’s ringing in my ears and my eyes have gone blurry. My head is down and my body limp. Where am I? I try to lift my heavy head up and fail, my chin hitting my chest over and over. The ringing in my ears start to subside, fading into the distance. A loud siren accompanied by panicked voices replaces the barely audible ringing. My eyes begin to flicker open with great effort. Red light is flashing on and off, painting everything in red one second and leaving the space in darkness the next. Suddenly, I realize where I am.
My head shot up and my eye flew open. My eyes began to stink as they tried to adjust to the brightness of the flashing light, but I didn’t have time to focus on any of the pain coursing through my body. I scan the space of panicked voices, but don’t see anyone near by.
I am sitting in the co-captain seat of our brand new ROV model. This model was supposed to be revolutionary, allowing travel to 9 miles under water; 2 more miles than have ever been possible before. As adrenaline began pumping through me, I could process my surroundings much faster, allowing me to search through my memories of how I got here.
Me and my crew of 22 marine biologists where sent off on a journey to travel 8 miles below water to test our new vehicle and explore new marine life. Upon the journey to the bottom of the sea, our ROV started experiencing some problems from the pressure. But, since it was not bad enough to cause real damage,we continued our voyage to explore the unexplored. Unfortunately for us, on the way back up, only a half a mile from shore, our captain become restless and accelerated the ROV’s speed. The ROV began to buckle under the extreme pressure change, creating strange and concerning noises that created commotion among our crew. Once the ROV had reached the top layer of ice, it was expected to break through the ice and drive us to safe land. But, due to our captain’s careless eagerness, we had hit a patch of ice too thick for the already struggling ROV, and it thanked the captain by completely breaking down.
That is when the siren began to blare and the lights began to flash. The front windshield had broken, knocking me out for who knows how long and leaving an opening for the captain to climb out of.
I began to try and find my way to the window where I could crawl out, but was thrown back to my seat by my seatbelt. The ROV’s alarm system immediately locked my seatbelt, providing an extra layer of security in case of a crash, only this seatbelt was the only thing holding me from safety.
I realized the numbness of my hands as I tried to pull the seatbelt out of the holder. I knew that the influx of ice cold water rushing into the ROV was only making the temperature colder and it creeped into the captain’s room. My head snapped back and I watched the water start to fill the room.
Filled with a new sense of panic, I remembered the emergency seatbelt cutter located next to my seat. I quickly swung my arm to the side and smashed the case, cutting my hand and arm all over, though it didn’t matter at the moment, considering the adrenaline and numbness from the cold. I take the cutter and cut the seatbelt, failing the first few times because of my ruthlessly shaking hands, but then making a clean cut on the fourth try.
I crawl out my seat, balancing on my legs and trying to get used to the numbing pain that shot through them. The subtle tilt in the floor from the ROV slowly sinking didn’t help, but I had to keep moving forward anyways.
The ROV jolted a bit as it sunk deeper into the water, making me stumble towards the water, now quickly rising halfway up the room. That’s when I notice something in the water.
Someone was laying head first in the water, bobbing up and down. I couldn’t tell if the water was red from the flashing light, or from the human being surrounded by it, but I wasn’t willing to leave someone for dead, as my captain did.
I clumsily make my way to the water and haul the person onto my shoulder. Everything in my body was slowly going numb, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to fit both of us through the hold while unable to feel nor see from the flashing light.
I turn towards the hole as fast as I can, though still pretty slow, and march my way toward the hole. I am dizzy and starting to see black spots, but my focus could not be led astray, as my life was not only a means to survive, but a means to save another as well.
I found my way to the hole and lay the person on the captain’s seat. I climb through the hole, trying not to get cut, but still cutting my shoulders, elbows, and thighs in the process.
Now freshly covered in blood, I reach through the hole again to grab the person. My body is hanging halfway into the ROV as I grab them by both shoulders and yank them towards me with all my might. My knees slid on the remaining glass of the front windshield and I began shaking violently from the cold.
I manage the person through the hole, still cutting them due to my shaking and inability to feel my arms.
I haul them over my shoulder once more and began to try to stand up, slipped and falling back onto my left knee each time. There is a subtle voice in the distance, slowly reaching closer to me. Soon, my attention becomes drawn to it.
“Over here!” I hear a voice yell from behind me.
I turn my head around to look over my non-occupied shoulder and see a man with a thick coat, pants, boots, and gloves on; all showing some inner fur from the inside. The inside of the ROV is now completely submerged in water, with only the nose pointing out. The ROV sank deeper as the man reached out his hands.
“Give me the lady first!” He yelled, barely heard over the sirens and current storm.
It was then that I realized that I was carrying a woman, one whom was still asleep, but had color in her face. I hoped that she would still be alive when I came to see her next, if my time to be alive where to come ever again. I took the woman in both of my hands and handed her over. The rescuer was barely able to reach her, stretching far over the water to cradle her. As he handed her off to another man, who hurried to bring her to shelter, the ROV broke off of the remaining pieces of ice, submerging itself, accompanied by me, into the freezing cold water.
I fought to stay afloat, splashing and gasping for air, but my body had gone numb and the breath knocked out of my lungs from the piercing ice. As I sunk down deeper into the water, two hands grabbed my arms that were raised over my head. I was pulled up over the ice and carried to a cart, where I saw the woman had been laid as well.
The man set me down next to her. My eyes become blurry, and my ears began to ring. I fought to keep my head up, but, much like my fight to stay afloat, my chin sunk to my chest, and my world went black, with no more red light interruption.
I woke up days later in a hospital bed, the lights blaring and machines beeping. There were multiple IV’s strapped to my arms, and every part of me that had been cut up had been thoroughly wrapped in bandages. A figure stood beside me, though I was unable to identify the figure through blurry eyes. My eyelids felt heavy, and I feel back into a deep sleep.
I woke up once more, filled with renewed energy and sense. I sat up in my hospital bed and looked around at the machinery, chords, and bandages. There were less bandages than when I had first woken up, though the scars on my body still remained after they were taken off. My heart rate began to speed up, making the machine beep faster.
The same figure I saw earlier, who I now identified as a doctor, came in and checked the machines while asking me various questions about how I was feeling. After the doctor was done, I asked about the woman,
“How is she?” Was all I managed to asked, wondering if the doctor would have a clue as to who I was talking of.
“She’s doing well. She is lucky that you were there to save her. Any longer in the cold and she wouldn’t have made it. She suffered from a little frostbite, unlike you, though she did receive much less cuts than you.”
I was realieved to her she was doing well, though I did not know her. I sat in silence as the doctor examined the IV’s and bandages.
“You look to be doing well”. He concluded “Get some rest, now, and you will heal faster.” Then he walked out the room.
I never asked if the other 21 people had made it. I knew that the captain must have, but if that woman was stuck in the water, maybe plenty more where too that I could not have see. Despite the horrid thought, I knew what mattered: The woman had been saved, and that was all I could do. It might not seem like much when I think of the other lives potentially injured or worse, but each life matters. Even when only one can survive, that one can save millions. And I had faith that that one life could be enough.
We are all out of the hospital now with no lives lost. We all agreed on going to a group therapy session, though a handful of people had made it out easily through escape exits, the session was paid for by the company we worked for, so we took the opportunity. This experience grew us closer as coworkers, passionate enough for the same thing to crash a ship and come back to ride another.
At the end of out session, we all close off with the therapist thanking us for our time. We stand up and many people start talking to their fellow friends. I make my way over to the woman.
“ Thank you for saving my life.” She said. It was not the first time she said it, but she felt obligated to repeat it each time she saw me.
“Don’t worry about it.” I reply, pulling a piece of paper from my pocket, which had my number on it. “Though, you could repay me by going out to lunch with me”
She smiled and took the paper from my hand “I’ll see you tonight”
I walk away and feel a buzz from my phone as I reach the parking lot;
‘ I’ll drive us there this time ’
It was Monday and I woke up way earlier than I usually do. The sun pierced right through my curtains and into my eyes. I rolled around in my bed, trying to get some sleep, but I couldn’t. The birds were singing louder that morning, and one of the melodies kept playing in my head. I went to school that day, silently humming the tune during ELA. All day this melody was playing in my head, unable to get out. The melody was soft and soothing, addicting to hum. The day was rough, as usual, people didn’t tend to like much and they showed it, but I could be stressed with such a calming melody. The school bell rang at the end of the day, and I got my stuff and started walking home. My mom always drove me home, but she had died in a car crash a few months ago. The thought of my mother hurt, she was always my best friend. I remember her laughter, how she was always so happy, she made my family so happy as well. She was the best singer I ever knew, I think she would enjoy the melody I heard. I hummed as I thought of my mother. The melody fit her perfectly. A calming melody, for a calm, happy mom. I finally got home after my walk. I decided that it would be best not to hum around my father. He didn’t take my mothers death so well, all he does since my mothers death is sit around and drink. He won’t even drive my to school. Singing was the number one thing that reminded him of my mother. After all, she had the most beautiful voice. I put my stuff on the dining room table and pulled out my laptop. I started working on some ELA homework I didn’t get to finish. “Do that again” my father said from the living room. “What? What are you talking about?” I asked in a confused tone. “That thing you were just humming, hum it again.” I didn’t even realize I was humming, I guess I got too carried away with my homework. I thought humming would have upset my dad, but I hummed the melody again, just like my dad had asked. I finished humming the melody. I looked over to the living room, and my dad was gone. Before I could even think about where he could have gone, he came out of his room with his old guitar. He started playing the guitar, sounding just as beautiful as when he last played it. He started singing. He was singing to the same melody as I had been humming all day, but he gave it words. He gave the melody meaning. He sounded passionate, more passionate than I’ve ever heard him before. It was a sweet love song, slow and calming. I saw a bird land on the windowsill right next to where my father was sitting. The bird started singing the same melody. They sang in unison until the end of the song. I finally recognized the song. It was one of the lullabies my mom sang me when I was younger. When ever I was scared of the monsters under my bed, she would sing me this melody. I learned later from my mom that this was also the song my father had sung when he proposed. My father looked over at the beautiful, blue and green colored bird sitting on the windowsill and said “ I knew reincarnation was real.”
