You are the light in the room, and I never wanted you to find out that I was the darkness that loomed over your life. The enemy you’ve sought after and claimed to hate enough to kill. I can’t blame the light for wanting to destroy the darkness that has forever become a jinx to them.

The Night your loved one died, I was there.

The Night your beloved died, I was there.

The Night you found yourself alone on the street, I was there.

I was there …. in the darkness.

You called for me, yet I did not answer. Ironically enough, I was still there. Lurking Watching Seeking

I knew you found the mask while I was away. I knew you were waiting for me in Our Spot. Waiting…..calling for me.

I showed up. For you. I didn’t hide in the dark. I showed up to face you.

Despite the discerned look masked upon your face as you held my mask….I smiled and waited for your warm embrace. I stared at you cluelessly—playing innocent—and waiting for you to hold me. Hold me despite knowing who I was.

What I’ve done. What had to be done.

I was friends with these people. They made cruel jokes. Jackson continued to demonstrate how his brother on the spectrum walked and talked, I stared at him but said nothing. We were friends after all, and everyone else was laughing. Was it funny? I picked at my own skin as my lips curled into the fakest smile and I chuckled a bit to fit in. I glanced to Mr. Smith, our English teacher. He had a frown and his brows furrowed while his glasses drooped lower on his nose, but why didn’t he say anything?

I heard him clear his throat and stare at me. Silently. I looked away and my smile dropped. Why did I feel guilty? I wasn’t the one who was making ableist jokes here, nor was I the teacher just letting it happen.

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I watched my favorite student goof off. He and the class laughed and it took me a moment to register what they were talking about. I wasn’t sure how to approach the subject and tell him to sit back down. I was the cool teacher, and didn’t want to be seen as lame. But the more I listened and watched, the more frustrated I became by the students’ ignorance. It was a good learning experience and right as I cleared my throat to speak, I glanced at him— Evan, the only student failing my class. He stared at me like he was confused and I stared right back. He looked away from me. I thought, he should be ashamed for laughing at these jokes, but then I wondered to myself why he wasn’t telling Jackson to just stop. Jackson would listen to him. They were practically inseparable and talked all class period. Is he scared to speak up?