Every day, when I wake up and look into the mirror, I don’t always recognize myself. It’s very easy for me to blend in- be the good samaritan, who stops and gives you a ride to your place. Or the neighbor, who helps you move some furniture. The guy you call to walk your dog or watch your kids. That quiet coworker who smiles at you and occasionally makes small talk. It’s just that sometimes….I’m not that person.

But where does being nice get you, anyway? It gets you nowhere, I’ll tell you that. I’ve always taken the backseat in life because of it.

The first time it happened, I really lost control. It was a horrible mistake. I really, truly loved her. She was so amazing and captivating, like no woman I had ever met in my life. But that was just a facade. In fact, I was too good to her. She didn’t deserve my love. It wouldn’t have happened if she had just realized that we were perfect together. Instead she was a whore. Smiling and talking to other men. Too naive to see what was right in front of her. She didn’t even acknowledge me properly, aside from the occasional “hello” as we’d pass each other in our narrow apartment hallway. And her smile, it was always so fake, almost like I made her uncomfortable. I’ve never even done anything to her. She was always so judgmental.

The second time, well, things were really perfect. She noticed me. I doted on her, and she adored it. She was so loving and sweet, yet different from the rest. But things quickly went from perfect to a nightmare. She was too clingy, wanting to spend every day of the week together. She would get jealous if I made simple conversation with other women. She would cry and beg me not to leave when I would walk out after an argument. Really, who could deal with that? I no longer had any time to myself. It was getting harder and harder to see her as the perfect woman I thought she once was. This time, it wasn’t a mistake. If I didn’t do it, I would have never gotten away from her. She was incredibly deranged and delusional. She wanted to control me. I needed a way to escape, and I don’t think she would have been able to live without me. She begged me not to, but I had to end our misery.

But there won’t need to be a third time, because I found you. You are so beautiful, with your silky, soft hair, your bright, charismatic eyes, your musical laugh. From the few interactions we’ve had in passing, I can tell that you aren’t like other women. When you smile at me shyly, it’s genuine. You smile with your eyes, like you really mean it. I’ve watched you unpack your belongings after helping you move into your apartment. I even took the liberty of grabbing one of your spare apartment keys out of your bag, just in case you ever need me. I just want to prove to you how good I am, how much potential our relationship could have. You are the perfect woman I have been looking for.

At some point, we’ve gotten together, never knowing it would be the last time.

Our bikes, which we used to ride through the neighborhood, now collect dust in our basements

Or collect rust outside.

The basketball we played with, shooting hoops down at the park

We used to stay out all day long, never wanting it to get dark.

Talking on the landline led to laughter on the phone,

Sneaking around the neighborhood, in and out of our own homes.

Late night car rides, amusement parks, that old diner where we’d rendezous

Camping trips, summer breaks, having backyard barbeques.

We used to always talk about how close we’d stay once we all made it,

But life has been so different for us since we’ve graduated.

Not a single peep from anyone I’d refer to as a friend,

There comes a point in all our lives where playtime has an end.

When the days blend together

And the nights become weary,

When not a soul reaches out

And life seems a bit scary

When you feel that you’re lost

And you can’t find your way,

When you have no one to turn to

At the end of the day

Stop by me once in a while

You always pass me in a hurry,

You don’t allow yourself the time

To try and cease your worries

Next time you need a shoulder

Or mindfulness to feel renewed,

You can find me in the mirror

Always looking back at you

I’ve seen everything

From your pain to how you grew,

By now you should know

I would be anything for you.

The day seemed normal enough. As usual, you live a life of predictability in the small town of Hadlow. I could recite my day as if it was a song lyric. Wake up, go to work, get home, eat, sleep, rinse and repeat. In a place where everybody knows everybody, there was no escaping the town’s gossipers, or your nosy neighbors who seemed to mind everything but their own business (looking at you, Chad and Tara).

I was fresh out of high school, with no idea what the hell I wanted to do with my life. I’m assuming this is how most of us feel, but we just pretend to have our shit together. My day consists of standing at a register, greeting customers and taking orders at the town’s well-known burger joint, Toasty Buns. Yeah, I know, the name sounds ridiculous, but that’s above my pay grade.

I didn’t mind my job. In fact, it was often a place where my friends would stop by to hang out. I work a late shift, and my workday typically ends at 11pm. This day was no different. Actually, I lied. It was very, very different.

While I was making my way home, I took a longer path through my cul de sac, which was quiet and still. I never liked my late-night walks home, and I always felt like I was looking over my shoulder. The only lighting around were street lamps, and I began to pick up the pace as I got closer to my house, scrolling through my phone.

As something caught my eye, I briefly glanced up at the night sky. That’s when I saw it. Streaking along the sky, with vibrant hues of red, orange, blue, green, and yellow, was a rainbow. At night. A rainbow at night.

For a moment I entertained the thought that someone may have snuck an edible or two into my sandwich during my lunch break. However, as I blinked not once, not twice, but three times, the rainbow continued to illuminate across the sky, expanding further than my near-sighted ass could see. From where I was standing, the rainbow branched off into segments, creating smaller, fainter streams of color.

I fumbled with my phone and eagerly snapped a picture, rushing to get home immediately. I was so excited to tell my friends and family that I had just seen the weirdest shit. I wanted to pull them outside so they could also witness what was happening.

The last thing I imagined was that this sight would be an omen, and the worst day of my life. The next morning, the sun did not come up.

IT IS BELIEVED that when one falls, it feels as though it is never-ending. On the way down, you nearly burn up in the sky. That being said, the trip down is incredibly tolerable and generous compared to the landing, where you would be lucky to have at least one unbroken bone in your new physical body. It is no wonder why thwarting The Great Plan is considered a distasteful option by many of the Sky Realm’s people. The consequences of disobeying leaves little to the imagination.

However, there are a limited few who have still chosen this path despite the terrifying tales of falling to Earth. Anthony, Anita thought, was unfortunately one of them. While she recognizes she should not have pity for him, she can’t help but look back on memories they shared before he fell. He just seemed so good, so….well, it doesn’t matter now, does it?

Anthony was one of The Fallen who loudly debated the tales of “falling out of the sky”. According to Anthony, that only happened a handful of times; (1) during a catastrophic elevator malfunction (a technical issue he claimed to have ranted to the Higher Ups about months prior) and (2) An accidental slip and fall down the steps, possibly after a drunken night out at the pub (Heaven has never had a “pub”, and the only other explanation to this would be a sheer lack of coordination).

When asking Anthony how he fell, he refuses to disclose that information. Come to think of it, Anthony would rather not disclose anything. This has been mildly infuriating for the Sky People and is part of the reason why Anita believes they should just cut their losses. Afterall, there was no reason to transport Anthony back to the realm after he had already fallen. He was of no use here, hence the entire concept of falling to begin with.

But Anthony was dangerous, the Higher Ups had warned. He’s too cunning, you never know what he might be planning. They were thoroughly convinced that he wasn’t just working with Hell, but that he was also working amongst the humans. Poisoning their minds, They’d say. To her, he just seemed like a bloody fool that had no place to go and no idea what he was doing.

Alas, Anthony had been locked away in Confinement, for fear that he had some proverbial trick up his sleeve. Anita couldn’t help but roll her eyes at that very thought.

Confinement wasn’t all that bad- you still had decent living quarters, and the surrounding guards provided plenty of company to make sure you weren’t alone. Confinees could still eat, socialize in a common room for approximately 30 minutes each day, and participate in “Uno”, a human card game. They’ve tried implementing “Monopoly”, however far too many scuffles have broken out during it. The game was then deemed the work of the Devil, as it would surely tear apart friends and families alike. Anita never understood the concept of a shoe buying property anyway.

Anita shuffled down the bright hallway, following behind two of the guards. Cell 32B, Anthony’s cell, was not too much farther. The Confinees were divided between two units. Unit A was mainly composed of individuals who simply began associating with the wrong crowd, but were actively working to get back into God’s good graces. Unit B…well, that unit hosted individuals like Anthony. Unit B consisted of traitors and treasonists, those who were beyond redemption. Those who had fallen, but were considered an imminent threat to the will of God, too dangerous to be let loose on Earth.

Anita and the guards rounded the corner, stopping in front of the cell that read: 32B. Anita took a deep breath, mentally preparing for the interview. The Higher Ups had been sending numerous officials to interview Anthony over the past several months, but they have consistently turned up empty-handed regarding intel. She was no stranger to the interview process, however she was doubtful that the outcome would be different this time around.

She heard the click of the door as it flashed green, allowing entry into the cell. She braced herself as the guards pushed through the door quickly, causing Anthony to stand up from the bed abruptly in confusion. They began grabbing Anthony by the arms without warning.

“Rise and shine,” One of them said smugly, roughly maneuvering him through the cell door. Anita looked Anthony up and down, realizing how long it has been since she last seen him. He was a completely different person. Between the rugged complexion, the wild, untamed hair, and Earthly clothing, she didn’t even recognize him. It absolutely shocked her.

“Grace,” He said quietly, nodding in acknowledgement to her, addressing her presence. She looked away from him sternly as they walked quickly down the hallway, Anthony restrained by the two guards. He had always been the only one who had referred to her by the meaning of her name.

“Anthony,” she said cordially, not bothering to look his way. “Please address me properly.”

“Glad to see you haven’t changed a bit.”

“It’s a pity to see that you have. You look ridiculous,” she advised, glancing at his clothing. They were both silent for a moment as they continued to walk.

“It’s been a long time,” he said casually, as if he was talking about the weather.

“Indeed it has,” she agreed, guiding him to the interrogation room. She held her hand out, gesturing him to walk inside. “We’ve much to talk about.”

They stepped inside the white room, filled with nothing but some chairs and a table, sleek walls, and florescent lighting. The guards escorted Anthony to a chair on one side of the table, securing him to it with cuffs and chains. Anita sat down across from him, folding her arms across her chest. The guards left the room just then, shutting the door behind them. The sound of the door clicking signaled that they were alone. Both of them were quiet for a moment.

“What brings you here, Detective?” Anthony calmly inquired.

“I could ask you the same question,” she quipped.

“Here to pick my brain? See what I’m ‘planning’?”

Anita folded her hands and set them on the table, watching him intently. She refused to be intimidated by his own questioning.

“We have reason to believe you’re a threat,” she said seriously. “If so, that’s a huge problem for you. Make no mistake that we do not take this lightly. Do you understand?”

“Oh, I understand, Detective,” Anthony said lowly, matching her tone. “I think I understand a lot more than you do.”

Anita looked away from him, focusing down at his file instead.

“What exactly are you doing on Earth?” she asked him after a beat. “The humans…they’ve begun to do more and more unspeakable things. The past several decades, our documentation has been piling up. You can’t be doing this alone. Who else did you recruit to corrupt them further?”

Anthony looked up at the ceiling for a moment, shrugging his shoulders. “I’m not doing anything. The humans don’t even need someone like me to intervene; they think of these things by themselves. Humans do have free will, after all. I’ve just been living on Earth.”

“That’s a lie,” Anita called out.

“Is it a lie because They say it is?”

“You would not be spending your days in Confinement if you were simply ‘living on Earth’!” she snapped back. Anthony tensed, lowering his voice to a whisper so that only Anita could hear him.

“You’re right, I would not. Except that I know something. Call it what you will. Perhaps, ‘your people’ feel threatened by the humans,” He whispered venomously, gritting his teeth. “Years of technology, evolution, advancement….perhaps, They are worried that humans may evolve to the likes of which They have never seen, nor could They handle.”

Anita remained silent, listening to his words. Anthony looked around wildly before continuing, making sure he could not be overheard. His eyes bore into hers, pleading with her to understand.

“Grace, They want to depopulate the Earth,” he warned. “They want to get rid of the humans, and They do not want anyone knowing why. They don’t want an equal; They want to rule.”

Some nights, I lay silently on the grass and listen to the trees argue, feeling the wind delicately brushing past me, making the leaves dance and the grass tickle my bare skin.

Some nights, I count the fireflies that illuminate the forest, taking flight to and fro, their flickering bodies mimicking that of fairies.

Some nights, I look up to the stars for guidence, hoping to find direction in my own life, admiring their beauty like a celestial compass written in the sky.

Some nights, I find myself staring at the moon, its vastness beckoning me, so ethereal and bright. I begin to realize just how small I am in this world.

Some nights, I close my eyes, drowning out everything but the sound of the crickets, nature’s sweet serenade.

Some nights, I run barefoot through the tall grass, past the houses whose lights have been turned off, signaling the end of another day.

I run down the peaceful, lighted alleyways, my feet hitting the smooth cobblestone, through a village painted in white and blue.

I run past an endless stream of flowers as they hang from the pristine Cycladic architecture, their petals open, greeting residents and tourists alike.

I run past groups of happy civillians, their laughter and chatter echoing into the air, giving life to this serene paradise.

I run until my feet hit the cool sand, where the land meets the sea. Some nights, it feels like heaven on Earth, and I revel in the stillness, letting it wrap around me like a blanket.

And yet, some nights, I don’t make it to the forest to listen to the trees.

Some nights, I try grasping for fireflies, but they seem just out of reach.

I have nights where the village is empty, the residents nowhere to be seen. There are times when I can’t feel the sand on my feet.

There are nights that I wake up to a bustling city, longing for the gentle lull of the sea.

Most nights, I wish it wasn’t such a distant dream.

Rue leaned back in the console chair, mentally kicking herself for what she was about to do.

“Have you ever been in love?” She asked aloud, hardly believing the words slipped from her mouth.

She pushed her glasses up to her face and looked down, fiddling with her blonde hair nervously.

“Love?” Siggy repeated, her brow furrowed in confusion. She didn’t look up from the controls as she rerouted her coordinates.

Rue couldn’t help the shy smile that escaped her lips as she admired the sight of Siggy, her wild brown hair obscuring part of her face while she remained focused on the screen in front of her.

“Yeah, you know, in love…” she continued on, briefly at a loss for words. “Someone you’ve cared deeply for? Someone that you thought you could live a normal life with?”

Her eyes flickered to Siggy’s face, watching as her expression darkened. If she didn’t know any better, Rue would have thought she was in pain.

“Can’t say that I have,” Siggy said after a moment, still fidgeting with the console controls. Her voice was low and quiet, almost as if she was revealing a long-held secret.

“Not something I’ve ever had the time for, traveling and all. My life is anything but normal, Rue.”

Rue sat back in thought. She didn’t want to push Siggy, however being a scientist, she couldn’t help but poke at what was left unsaid.

“Surely you’ve had to have felt something at some point, being hundreds of years old. I mean, you travel a lot, there must have been someone you’ve met along the way,” Rue continued on.

Siggy smiled softly, but her eyes looked so tired. It was hard for Rue to believe that this alien, who looked so very human, has beared centuries of pain and grief, and change, watching life pass by and knowing she was constant in it- never aging, never evolving. It was even harder to believe that she had spent all those years alone.

“Actually, there was someone, yes,” Siggy said distantly, as if she was transported back in time to a memory she tried very hard to lock away. “A very, very long time ago. Before I began traveling. On my home planet.”

Rue watched as her hands faltered briefly with the controls. Her jaw was clenched, and for a moment, she appeared lost as she stared down at the screen. She shook her head as if willing the memory away. When she snapped back to reality, she glanced over at Rue, quirking an eyebrow.

“Humans,” she scoffed, feigning annoyance. “You lot are always so nosy. Can’t keep anything private, can we?”

Rue smiled at that. As much as Siggy tried to hide parts of herself, Rue knew ways to find them.

“Oh, of course,” Rue agreed with a laugh. “Wouldn’t that be boring? Not knowing anything personal about each other? Besides, you are technically human! You said so yourself!”

“Yes, my race does have some lineage with humans. I said we are basically the human race from the future due to our advancements in technology. I remember quite well,” Siggy mused, leaning back against the console. She looked up in thought, rocking on her heels. “Still, very different than your race. Much more cerebral.”

Rue’s mouth fell open in shock as she laughed, enjoying the lighthearted banter.

“Are you calling us stupid?” Rue said playfully.

“Of course not! I-“

“I’m pretty sure you just called us stupid,” Rue repeated, laughing. “My apologies, Ms Superiority.”

Siggy rolled her eyes and smiled.

“Quite the opposite.”

They fell into a comfortable silence for a brief moment, neither of them willing to look away from each other. Rue could have sworn she saw Siggy’s eyes soften as she looked at her, and she briefly wondered if her heart was beating just as fast. They were both surprised to find that they were now standing closer together, closing the gap that was between them.

Siggy couldn’t help but glance from Rue’s warm, hazel eyes down to her parted lips, unconsciously memorizing her features in the dim lighting of the console room. The electricity in the air was all around them, traveling up her spine and giving her goosebumps. Siggy remembered this feeling quite well- a feeling she experienced only one other time, on her home planet, but she would never dare say it.

Yet, she was staring right at it. The reason she couldn’t return home. The reason she was exiled. Banished. The reason she was hunted, not allowed to exist as her own person. An “abomination”; coded as an “unnatural phenomenon”, ill-equipped for “laws of reproduction”. A punishment for being different…for loving differently.

She took a step back from Rue, breaking the close contact. She knew she couldn’t live a normal life. She was aware that she could not pursue this. She cleared her throat and looked away, not willing to meet Rue’s eyes.

“We should probably get going,” she said quietly, her hand fiddling back to the console controls. Rue blinked twice, confused by the sudden change.

“Right,” she agreed, smoothing out her shirt. “Maybe one day you could take me to visit your home planet,” Rue said, a mix of innocence and hopefulness in her voice. It broke Siggy’s heart. “Would be nice to see where you grew up.”

“Yeah,” Siggy nodded patiently, knowing that would never happen. “Maybe one day.”

Deep within the valleys Through the forest trees Along the sandy beaches Beside the gentle sea

Between the lively festivals Along the lightened streets I can’t help but listen for Your name whispered in the breeze

Running past the cottages Trekking through the fields Laying in the land of dandelions Two of us hidden in the hills

In love in our own paradise Counting stars in our own space No one ever has to know Our perfect hiding place