Earthquakes no longer feel so foreign to my body Others would call it a catastrophe But there’s beauty in the madness With how my pulse burns under the chaos With how I understood That great destruction has to occur for harmony to exist The answer to longevity So I accept it Knowing that I am a vessel wielding so much curse and blessing.
Rustling Rustling
“fuck” he mutters
I turn in bed and look at the bedside clock, 3:30am.
He has been doing this recently, waking up at odd hours and packing the little bag he hides behind our closet. I’m sure he thinks I haven’t seen it, should I act oblivious or just catch him in the act?
Thirty minutes pass and I hear the front door open. I sit up and stare at the wall adjusting my eyes to the darkness, I’m too exhausted to worry about looking for the switch.
“I’m thirsty” the words echo of the wall, I walk to the kitchen expecting something to be out of place. Nothing is. It’s clean exactly how he left it last night. I reach for a glass and my eyes catch a note on the kitchen table.
The kitchen feels bigger than usual, I sit on one of the chair and pick up the note.
“I’m sorry Kay. The drugs aren’t helping, my hallucinations are getting stronger and I’m afraid I’ll hurt you. I heard about this facility in Kosi, I’ll be better after it. I promise. I love you” I let out a huge sigh and lean into the chair.
Get married they said, it’ll be fun they said, there’s nothing better they said. This isn’t my definition of fun.
James..James…James I could hear someone shouting my name, but my eyes held contact with the formerly colored baby blue rug now painted a bright red. The air was metallic and my throat itches, I felt a tightness in my chest and I realized I wasn’t breathing. “James!” my head swings to my left, Marceline stares teared eyed at me. Her eyes were her most beautiful asset. A mixture of bright green and light brown, mutation at its finest. I met Marceline or Marcy for short in grade school, the same time I met Gale. He has always been odd, his parents are immigrants from Russia and they made it quite obvious they were proud of their culture and poor gale suffered the consequences of that. Boys would taunt his accent, and make fun of his meal, especially when he had borsch on cold days. Those cold days were exceptionally worse because Mr and Mrs Nikoli thought it would be a brilliant idea to give him the furriest, thickest and mammoth like shuba. Gale would waddle into class, red nose peeking from underneath the array of scarves made from sheep wool and his Eurocentric features would be pronounced. He reminded me of penguins, we were paired for a science project, he came over to my house and saw a Twenty One pilot’s record and it’s been love since then. "G... Gale" was the only thing I could mutter, my knees gave up and I fell to the ground. The most heinous sound I heard was uttered from my lips. I couldn't process what my eyes were telling me, his rose coloured skin was pale, his eyes lacking life. I caused this, if I came over last night or if I told him how much I cherished our friendship or how I couldn’t navigate life without him, he would have known he was loved. I knew things had become hard at home with his parents filing for a divorce but he could have spoken to me. My brain scouring for something, anything, but it’s blank. I reach out for Marceline, screaming and sobbing, gasping for air. “It’s Okay, James” She says in between sobs. It’s not, a part of me has been stolen forever. I will never be whole again. What sort of wickedness is this? I curse a God I’ve never acknowledged. I am somehow calmed by Marceline and lay quiet on her thighs as I take in the room, have the medics been here since? His parents are standing behind the teams as the carry gale’s body out of the room. My eyes meet Mrs Nikoli as she leaves with the others and guilt runs through me, I look away shyly. Everyone leaves slowly, Marceline had to babysit her cousins. I nod to her as she leaves and count to hundred till the room is empty. I sit up with my back to the wall, embracing the emptiness that will walk with me.
In another world, I would hold you tightly Ingrain your features in to the grooves of my brain
In another world, Your favorite song would be at the tip of my tongue and sung to you during your tough days my Angel
In another world, My hands won’t be a foreigner to your body Each part worshipped like Athena
In another world, My proclamation of love won’t be to the walls of my room
In another world.
As the stars start their yearly migration I am seated the same as before Nothing out of place I am the constant in this film of their destiny
One bursts into another Another burns Another dies out A continuous system A system lacking nothing Perfect in it’s state
But yet I feel adrift Not knowing my place Passing with time and tides A continuous loop
I’ve seen the birth and death of stars Yet I know not what my destiny holds Or who I am
