It’s a beach. It’s an empty beach. Nothing to see and nothing to learn. Only what has been seen.

I see my Danii and my Kali, My cat and my dog of many years. We are going on 13 years of life.

I see only sand but I feel the moments, the time my best friend and I snuck out the window at 2am to go to a party. The time I tried to take my dog for a walk with a potential date, only to deal with our dogs fighting in the back of his car.

The time I thought I had the love of my life. The time I spent trying to live my best life.

The time I had no job, after university. The time where I felt like I had nothing.

They have seen me at my best, they have seen me at my worst, and still they love me unconditionally. My Kali and my Danii.

No one will love you the way I love you. No one will love me the way you loved me.

There is not much that lies between us if you were to look. There’s not much blocking me from you if you took that look.

Only a lifetime of improbability’s empty glances. Only a lifetime of unmovable stone empty glasses.

Taking its tole as time roles on, leaving us raw and broken. I think of you, when I think of bliss, I was mistaken.

You make me spin, you keep me wild, I found a hunger lied within me.

A dozen lies, over an unpaved line, of innocence and stubborn.

Nothing changes what happens, it could never change what will happen, under the breathe of an adjacent curl. Deception, abuse, passion will be a curse to you with no switch in sequence. An adjustment in placement needs to replace my being, for the pain I brought to you.

Judgement on me.

I take five steps and I look back, I don’t see anybody but I feel the push, I take five more steps and then six, I take seven and eight, I take nine then twelve, I look back to see you, I feel you and so you must be there. I feel the pull, Thirteen, fifteen, twenty. Twenty too many. You are there, you body as rugged as I left it. Your expression as bare as I left it. And still I must go, Twenty seven, Sixty two, I look back to see you barren in the distance. Finally being merged with the background, I can imagine you slowly fading into the brush. Ninety and then a thousand steps. You are replaced with a feeling of acknowledgement. A feeling of trust. A feeling of fortitude. The feeling of loyalty. I can see my partner now for as they are, I know that I must leave because I know how it will end. I know what loyalty looks like, I haven’t found it yet.

Today I wished that I got a car. I was driven by others, the pace seemed off. I woke up in the morning, license in hand, I wanted a car. A person whispered that I shouldn’t be in a hurry, Another told me that I should have one already, I looked at my prospects and I looked at my reality. I noticed that I haven’t done what I need, and to get what I need… I need a car. So I sat, alone on Valentine’s Day. And today I wished that I had a car. A craving thought crept threw my troubled mind, maybe that car will have a man, my husband. Maybe that car will have my happiness and future. Maybe that car is what I need to fulfill my seemingly unfulfilled life. A car yes. A husband yes. A child yes. A career yes. A smile yes. Pictures of my smile yes. Pictures of my husband yes. Pictures of my car yes. Today I wished for a car.

Open skies beckon with something broader. Sounds escape the room as silence creeps closer.

Two times I call you. Two times you do not answer my calls.

Open skies beckon as I retrace my steps. Without any signs of you I am lost.

My mind relies on our memories, our investments. Something broadens.

I take my chances with my heart. I follow it to you without a second thought. It takes me to you, It takes me to the place where I have you. I touch you, I feel soft skin and rough brows. Until I blink.

I am back where I started and where I still sit today. Open skies beckon with something broader for me.

Light footsteps of the passing birds, leave slight footprints in the snow. You can see the prints, but you can’t tell where they go. The prints get deeper, as they grow, you feel a smile growing because you see more and more. Then the prints end, and your smile fades, that’s not the end. You know there is another track, you look everywhere and you find only your own, your own track.

Put your feelings aside actually feel for a moment. There is six reasons why You shouldn’t have anxiety About the future.

Alliance is first, having friends is worth while. They will tell you what you need to hear, Even if what you want to hear doesn’t seem to matter.

Forgiveness is second, There are many things you would rather not see. Forget about the past, and see what you were meant to see.

Honesty is third, times where loyalty runs thin, trust your instincts and your will, honesty might be hard hitting, but there is something worth hitting.

If you don’t believe it right now, there’s a couple more to read. It sounds hard to hear, but sometimes that’s what you need.

Intelligence is fourth, when you have a discussion on your hands, then the tests that you set, will let you know what see, and let you know what you get.

Religion is a fifth, it might not seem important right now. But religion will tell you, What that person is about.

Finally we have strength, looking for physical but also mental. It’s a hard match to make, and there’s work that goes in, its not just you, but your partner. When you dive in, let the rest go and let the future start to sink in.

To those who look quickly they don’t really see. The moments I prosper The ones that mean most to me.

I am called naive I am called nothing special. I have nothing to give And am only sentimental.

My parents tell me That the world is mine They rip me apart with their opinions At the same time.

I have feelings for things That I cannot control. And that means I’m young And basically means I feel nothing at all.

To those who don’t care I get tossed to the side Like I’m garbage and worth less Then a penny or a dime.

I see life for what it is I say things for what they are. This means nothing to my family I’m no use here after all.

I’ve learned many things From a short time on this earth I’ve learned that people like money That gives them life and rebirth.

I don’t know why it matters I don’t know why it matters so much Is it better to be spoiled Isn’t it better to have trust?

There’s a big line between right and wrong Just as there is between big and thin There’s a line between rich and poor Just like there’s a line between what’s here and has been.

If your pretty you get all the way If you look weird you don’t get far If your funny you get further If you are naive you get taken advantage of.

That is what I’ve learned and that is what I know I want more for the youth Even tho I know better.

I see more when I look, I see less when I don’t. It’s even worse when I sneeze, I can’t recall what took forth. The days pass by as the river in the stream, flows softly and slowly past by the drawing sun to the trees. I missed out on the moments, I will never get back. I now watch with open eyes, until my very last dance.

I sit waiting and I sit watching. I don’t hope to find anything, But I watch anyways because of lies someone told me.

I am not lonely as I wait, I have my companions alongside me. We sit and watch together as the sun fades and night arrives.

There’s a lot of people in my life that I miss and I regret leaving. To make up for that fact is the the fresh air that I am breathing.

Nobody wants to know me, I don’t even want to know myself. I write to them in the walls of the canyon till death to us part.