before. the word stings. worse, it rings in my ear, an echo of who I was before i let go. no, sears might be the better word. years ago, i might have tried might have lied said i was fine but when someone is yours, like she was mine they know how to hurt you the worst. the words come flowing, a burst of sorry's and i love you's i thought if i played i wouldn't lose i thought if i loved it was enough but i guess she called my bluff. i couldn't... i wouldn't! i shouldn't— c r y. it was my fault. this. her goodbye. a tear couldn't save us... a tear wouldn't convince us! a tear shouldn't fix us— i wanted to c r y i hated to c r y i needed to c r y but I was empty. if i could i'd do it plenty before. the word stings worse, it rings in my ear, an echo of who i was before i let go and c r i e d i couldn't have lied when she said "i liked you better before" because it tore me in two. because ... i did too.
