Anastasia๐ซ
Just sharing whatโs in this head of mine I hope something can speak to you in the processโฆ๐
Anastasia๐ซ
Just sharing whatโs in this head of mine I hope something can speak to you in the processโฆ๐
Just sharing whatโs in this head of mine I hope something can speak to you in the processโฆ๐
Just sharing whatโs in this head of mine I hope something can speak to you in the processโฆ๐
The thin line between ๐ฑ๐ช๐น๐น๐ฒ๐ท๐ฎ๐ผ๐ผ and ๐ณ๐ธ๐ is thicker than you may know.
๐๐ธ๐ is so abrupt, so fleeting, so trivial. ๐๐ธ๐ is a marvelous one-night stand with a gorgeous man hand in hand. ๐๐ธ๐ makes time pass by quicker and small memories feel bigger.
๐๐ช๐น๐น๐ฒ๐ท๐ฎ๐ผ๐ผ is transcendent, euphoric and elusive. ๐๐ช๐น๐น๐ฒ๐ท๐ฎ๐ผ๐ผ is the gleam of wonder in a childโs eyes. ๐๐ช๐น๐น๐ฒ๐ท๐ฎ๐ผ๐ผ is the repulsion of painful goodbyes.
A state of love and prosperity in perpetuity, the feeling ๐ณ๐ธ๐ brings me ๐ฑ๐ช๐น๐น๐ฒ๐ท๐ฎ๐ผ๐ผ exceeds.
โThe birds crow a weeping melody, trees clean of leavesโฆโ crossroads and thieves share a burning resemblance, remembrance of all that have been subjected to part from the unprotected confinements of solitude, alone in thought, mind, and spirit all i can do is call to you.
if trees can clean their branches of leaves,
and if birds can crow melodyโs that vulnerably weep,
why do i constantly suppress my God-given reach?
i know who i am, im stuck in my ways, although iโll expand upon occasion, im stuck with how i do things, at some point i forgot who i was, and during that time being all these other things, all i so desperately wanted, was to be who i ๐๐ช๐ผ.
I still remember the first night I cried to her about a boy. It was the 5th grade, and Zach, with the silkiest looking hair I still to this day have ever seen, broke my itty-bitty little heart. And no amount of Beyoncรฉ, Rihanna, or Nicki Minaj female empowerment was gonna lift me out of it.
My best friend of thirteen years, she held me, she held me and said โpretty girls donโt cry over stupid boys.โ Kind of ironic thing to say now because all I ever see are pretty girls crying over stupid boys.
There would soon be many, many, nights to follow of me breaking down on her shoulder over the same oleโ dirtbag playing with my heart.
At this point I have a type, and itโs not been working out for me.
My current boyfriend, or I guess ex-boyfriend Dennis and I were dating on and off for about three years. Our relationship was toxic, but not the glamorized hollywood toxic. The real shit. No drugs, no alcohol, no damaging outside vices. Our relationship was suffering from the suffocating aspects of co-dependency. We just became to reliant on each other.
I would constantly vent to her about things he would do to upset me. She would respond with the conventional โyou need to leave him, youโre too good for him.โ
Right.
My best friend is the life of any party, she has this personality that just draws people to her. Think Maddy from euphoria. She has this overpowering confidence that intimidates everyone around her.
No one can tell her shit, she is who she is and thatโs that.
Dennis and I werenโt perfect, but love, what can I say-it really makes all the unbalanced things in life level out and in some weird way, amidst whatever chaos, you take one look at your person, and feel balanced.
We moved-in together pretty quickly and it was nice. Some days iโd wake up to the smell of herb roasted potatoes and breakfast sausage. And some nights Iโd fall asleep to the most comforting back massage-the aroma of lavender essential oils filling the air.
Iโd always dreamed of a romantic Parisian type of love. To be completely honest what girl hasnโt.
We werenโt taking evening strolls through the Louvre or stopping at La Fontaine 31-33 Rue Juliette Dodu.
But the way he spoke to me, the way he breathed life into my dreams, made me feel like Marilyn Monroe; a damed beauty destined for greatness.
Kind of silly but thatโs what this type of love does. It makes you feel like your adequacy is based on the life breathed into your ambitions and goals by another.
She knew I wanted out, she could tell I was slowly breaking a part.
I knew.
I knew she wanted him.
She probably thought she was covering up her tracks, but I knew. I could tell by the way she laughed a couple seconds longer than I, anytime he told a joke, whether it was funny or not.
The lengthened eye contact.
The wideness of her smile.
I knew.
Sometimes those closest to us do the most horrid things. He needs a bountiful ego to fill, and she has an ego that requires filling. Iโve gained clarity and come to terms with the hurt and betrayal.
Maybe someday iโll get that โParisian love,โ in a way this is a happy ending for the both of us.
(c) copyright 2023 Anastasia Raymond
๐ด๐๐. - ๐ป๐พ๐ ๐ฐ๐ฝ๐ถ๐ด๐ป๐ด๐, ๐ฒ๐ฐ - ๐ฝ๐ธ๐ถ๐ท๐ ๐ด๐๐. - ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ป๐ณ๐๐ธ๐ฝ ๐ท๐ธ๐ป๐ป๐ ๐๐ฒ๐ด๐ฝ๐ธ๐ฒ ๐พ๐ ๐ด๐๐ป๐พ๐พ๐บ ๐ผ๐พ๐๐ฝ๐๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฝ - ๐ฝ๐ธ๐ถ๐ท๐
๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐ธ๐ธ ๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐บ๐๐๐๐, ๐ธ๐บ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐. ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ข. [๐๐๐๐๐๐๐; ๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐๐๐๐ฃ๐๐๐๐๐]
๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ข๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐, '๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.'
๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ข ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐. (๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐)
๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐ ๐บ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐.
(๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐'๐ ๐บ๐๐๐๐)
๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐: ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐?
(๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐)
๐บ๐๐๐๐: ๐ฐ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐, ๐ผ๐.๐ฐ๐ ๐ฒ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐!
(๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐'๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐)
๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐: ๐ฝ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐. ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐'๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐บ๐๐-
๐บ๐๐๐๐: ๐๐๐'๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐'๐ ๐๐!
๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐: (๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐) ๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐ ๐๐'๐ ๐๐๐๐...๐๐'๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐, ๐ข๐๐๐ ๐๐'๐...๐๐'๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ฃ๐๐๐! ๐๐๐๐ข'๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ฝ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐, ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ฃ๐ข! ๐ธ๐'๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐.
๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐'๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐.
๐๐๐๐ข'๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ข๐๐๐๐๐ ๐'๐๐ ๐๐๐, ๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐๐๐ข, ๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ข, ๐ธ ๐๐๐'๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ข๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐.
๐บ๐๐๐๐: ๐ธ ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐'๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐ ๐'๐๐๐ ๐๐๐, ๐๐'๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐-
๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐: (๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐) ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐'๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐!
๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ข๐. ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐. ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ข ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐.
๐ธ๐'๐ ๐๐ข ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐.
(๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐ ๐บ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐. ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ข๐ ๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐บ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐)
๐ฒ๐ป๐พ๐๐ด ๐๐ฟ ๐พ๐ฝ ๐ฝ๐ฐ๐๐ฐ๐ป๐ธ๐ด
๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐: (๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐) ๐ผ๐ข ๐ณ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐. ๐ท๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐ณ๐ผ.
๐ฐ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐, ๐๐ ๐๐๐'๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐ณ๐ผ.
๐ฟ๐ฐ๐ฝ ๐พ๐๐ ๐๐พ ๐๐ธ๐ป๐ท๐พ๐๐๐๐ด
๐บ๐๐๐๐: ๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ธ ๐๐๐๐'๐ ๐๐๐๐ -
(๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐)
๐ฒ๐ป๐พ๐๐ด ๐๐ฟ ๐พ๐ฝ ๐ฝ๐ฐ๐๐ฐ๐ป๐ธ๐ด
๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐: ๐ธ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ข ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐บ๐๐, ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.
๐ฟ๐ฐ๐ฝ ๐พ๐๐ ๐๐พ ๐๐ธ๐ป๐ท๐พ๐๐๐๐ด
(๐บ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐, ๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐บ๐๐๐๐'๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐)
๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐: ๐๐๐'๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ .
๐บ๐๐๐๐: ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐ฝ๐๐, ๐ข๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ข๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐.
๐๐๐๐๐'๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐'๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐. ๐ธ๐'๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐. ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ข, ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐๐.
๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐: ๐ธ ๐๐๐๐ .
๐บ๐๐๐๐: ๐ธ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐.
๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐: (๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ข) ๐๐๐๐ ๐ธ ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐.
๐บ๐๐๐๐: ๐ฒ๐๐ ๐ธ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐?
๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐: ๐ฝ๐๐๐.
๐บ๐๐๐๐: ๐ฐ๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ธ'๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ก๐ ๐๐๐๐.
(๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐. ๐บ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐)
๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐: ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐'๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ก๐ ๐๐๐๐?
๐บ๐๐๐๐: ๐พ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐'๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ข๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ก๐ ๐๐๐๐.
(๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐บ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐, ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ข)
๐ด๐ฝ๐ณ ๐๐ฒ๐ด๐ฝ๐ด.
โI donโt know, okay?
I. - DONโT. - KNOW.
I donโt know, I swear on everything I love! How else do you want me to say it!? Fuck! Okay, okay look sh- sheโฆ she was just here a second ago, she mustโve just ran out to get something. Sheโll be back!โ
Sheโs not coming back.
And now I have to get myself out of this mess. God, I told myself this was a new year, a new me! And here I am in this forsaken motel room pimping yet another girl out to this horrid hunchbacked, Quasimodo of a man. But hey, itโs all worth it for a measly crumpled up fifty-dollar bill right?
โLook, I donโt give a shitโ he says.
โI paid for a service, so you best believe, Iโm getting my moneys worth.โ
Ew. Noโฆ no way, he canโt possibly thinkโฆ
โYou look like youโll do just fine honey, how about you unbutton that shirt for me.โ
And there it goes, the clichรฉ โyouโll do just fineโฆHONEY.โ Now If i had a dollar for every time I heard that phrase, I wouldnโt have to be doing this shit. His eyes, say Iโve conquered you, Iโve won, this is my game and I got you at checkmate. Little does he know I donโt give a damn about the game of chess. I donโt play by the rules of any game, naturally, itโs how I was brought up. See in situations like these you really only have two options, kill or be killed. And I sure as hell donโt back down at first bite.
I grew up on the east side of Philly, itโs a โdog eat dogโ world out there. Iโve never been the one to bite first, trust me, the art of surprise is what I revel in. The shock, and almost utter betrayal on my opponents face when I take them down makes it all worth it. This dirtbag has no idea what heโs just walked intoโฆ โข โข โข โข [To be continued]
One mind, just one.
Housed a multitude of thoughts, and a wave of emotions that accompanied them.
One mind, just one.
Lured further and further away into a hole, an oblivious venture.
One mind, just one
Woefully functioned against the agony of another.
Responsible for more than we may ever know about ourselves.
One mind, just one.
Reborn anew, the final whispers wandered away without care.