I, Princess Penelope IIV, am stuck in a tower. Yes, the kind of tower one would think of when they think of Princesses. As per usual, I was placed her by an evil witch, and told I could not escape until my very own Prince Charming came to save me.

That was when I was thirteen. Thirty years have passed and I am now forty three. My Prince Charming has not come for me, and I suspect that he never w...