I loved. That was always my story. I loved. Probably too much. Always pouring from a cup that was never replenished. I loved. I never looked back. I never regretted it. Because I wouldn’t be me, if I didn’t put my all into it. I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t try until my heart was black and blue. But I was never loved back in the right way. In the way that took me serious. In the way where they actually believed the things that I would stay. It was evident in the way I was never chosen. Evident in the way no one stood by me. Evident in the way everyone just let me go. I loved. But did it mean anything? Did it even matter? I loved… hell, I still love. But in the end it’s always me that I see shatter.

Do I let the liquor take over? Let it do things I normally couldn’t shoulder… If I wasn’t emboldened, By this sweet concoction I’ve chosen.

Do I let it over take me? Let it show me things… I haven’t seen, After all whatever will be will be.

It was always me… Loving with all I had to give, As I watched everyone else leave. Being missed, But never wanted. Lusted after, Never loved. Forbidden, What could be… But never was. Always left wondering, Why I’m never enough.

In another life… Did we end up happy? Did we fight against all odds… And end up where we needed to be? With each other? Never needing any other lovers… Because right from the start we knew, Just how much of a crime it would be to be apart.

Never giving up. Never breaking. Because our faith in each other was unwavering. I think of what could of been And what is… And I hope somewhere in another life… We’re in a better place then this.

Overpowering. Unwavering . Foolish .

Why do I still hold a flame? Loving you … I became forever changed, And there is no use trying… I’ll never be the same.

There’s a certain sadness that comes, With your cold and unyielding ways. A sort of disruption… When your actions don’t match, The things that you say. I’m only human… Can you really fault me, When the things you caused, Cause an upset? Feelings don’t just go away, Because you want them too. I’ve tried. What’s meant to be will be… Where there is a will there is always a way. And you didn’t stay. You didn’t stand by the things you did say. You lied.

I still have your hoodie… I still wear it more then I care to admit… Always struggling with the fact that me having it… Was supposed to mean something, wasn’t it? Wrapped up in you … Even though you let me go. Trying to hold on to the good feelings I felt… Before I was ‘ pathetic ‘ and whatever else. The good ones always end up bruised.. I’ve been shown it enough, To know that statement is nothing but truth… Maybe one day I’ll think of you and be filled up with hate… But for now I’m still filled with all that love I gave away.

Is loving you a gift or is it a curse? I allowed myself to feel freely and to be myself wholly and completely, but only for you. Because with you there was a empty slate, a vibe and an understanding. A language that only you and I spoke. I could literally feel you in my bones, sensing you weren't okay before I truly knew. Two souls that swirled and meshed so beautifully. But you never fully chose me. Instead you turned and ran away, left me in the dust. I could go on and on. But really, you just didn't fully understand what my love was, what it meant. Losing me was the consequence. How often can you allow someone to hurt you before you put back up your walls and shield yourself again. Still loving you, yet protecting myself. Because if I open the door and I knock down those walls... I know I will fall for it again. Your words smooth like honey and those sweet candy lies. Yet, I already felt myself caving. Unblocking emails and numbers just in case. One more conversation, one more moment where I feel a true connection. Always leaving me for something or someone better. But I will never be found in anyone else. Yes you left again, But will you stay away? I guess only time will tell. But then again times never really been on our side.

He will give me death, and I will love him for it. Killing parts of me , but never me entirely. Loving him for all he was, never got me anywhere. Always watching myself shatter, wither away. But it’s okay, because I know I loved with all of me. Theres something to say about being cocky because you know what you bring to the table, yet insecure because no one ever endured with you or saw anything through. All the lines are blurred now, but I always know my place. Never chosen, always subjected to some form of abuse: physical, mental, emotional. Do you even know what I’ve been through since you? Because of you? Because of me too. I can’t blame you for everything, not on things where I have the final say. Like who I let lay next to me since you left, and the things that occurred because of it. Being choked and hit so hard I lost consciousness… But I’m grown, and not everyone put in your life has good intentions…right? But mine were always pure. At least I can own that. No one ever weathers the storm, and I have always only been shown that. Why should you have been any different? Telling me I deserved more, deserved better. But it was just a cop out because you didn’t want to better your self for me. For us. For what we could be. I come with too much baggage I guess. But everyone has things the carry forever with them. It’s all about choice and choices and you chose to go on with out me. Showing me I never truly meant anything. You can say pretty words but actions honey, they’re everything.

My mind always wonders back to you. To what we had. Always blaming time and circumstances, For the choices you made. And that’s fine. People place effort where they want to. And you chose to question and view the beauty of what we could have been.. As a burden. Always shutting me up at the first sign of upset So every time I tried to speak out I was ‘pathetic’ Words may not break bones But they stay with you… They haunt you. Pathetic? Me? For being rightfully upset? If so, what are you? For all you’ve done, and all you do?