He will give me death, and I will love him for it. Killing parts of me , but never me entirely. Loving him for all he was, never got me anywhere. Always watching myself shatter, wither away. But it’s okay, because I know I loved with all of me. Theres something to say about being cocky because you know what you bring to the table, yet insecure because no one ever endured with you or saw anything through. All the lines are blurred now, but I always know my place. Never chosen, always subjected to some form of abuse: physical, mental, emotional. Do you even know what I’ve been through since you? Because of you? Because of me too. I can’t blame you for everything, not on things where I have the final say. Like who I let lay next to me since you left, and the things that occurred because of it. Being choked and hit so hard I lost consciousness… But I’m grown, and not everyone put in your life has good intentions…right? But mine were always pure. At least I can own that. No one ever weathers the storm, and I have always only been shown that. Why should you have been any different? Telling me I deserved more, deserved better. But it was just a cop out because you didn’t want to better your self for me. For us. For what we could be. I come with too much baggage I guess. But everyone has things the carry forever with them. It’s all about choice and choices and you chose to go on with out me. Showing me I never truly meant anything. You can say pretty words but actions honey, they’re everything.

My mind always wonders back to you. To what we had. Always blaming time and circumstances, For the choices you made. And that’s fine. People place effort where they want to. And you chose to question and view the beauty of what we could have been.. As a burden. Always shutting me up at the first sign of upset So every time I tried to speak out I was ‘pathetic’ Words may not break bones But they stay with you… They haunt you. Pathetic? Me? For being rightfully upset? If so, what are you? For all you’ve done, and all you do?

It’s always what could have been Never what could be If I was ever anything to anybody Things would be as they should be Effort begets effort And laziness begets tragedy Why try for you … If you don’t try for me? Stone cold heart Frozen solid You skate over it every now and then But you faze me no longer You let me go And now I’m stronger Always blocked me and cut me off So this time I did too And I think if you tried again This time I wouldn’t let you skate through…

Today I called you on the phone… I hadn’t even noticed you weren’t home, Just started letting it all out… The second I heard the end of the dial tone

Today I called you on the phone… And I never felt more alone Then when I realized you weren’t talking back… And my worst fears were shown

Lonely isn’t where I like to me My biggest enemies Are my mind and me When will I be set free?

Say it isn’t so… You come and you go. It’s always one way on the phone… And I always end up alone.

I hope it stings Every single time you think about me I hope you choke on your words Every single time you think to speak to me Most importantly I hope it burns When it finally sets in that your lost to me

I’m top shelf But I guess you’re used to the bottom of barrels And I would have left it alone If she didn’t show me her talons Call me bitter if you please But you should have let it be

She wanted a fight And I didn’t have it in me But I realized I didn’t have it in me To fight for you But I do for me And she spoke on my my character baby

She’s awakened the beast That’s always been present within me And the rage it flows And I’ve got a never ending supply Why’d you lie? Why couldn’t bye be goodbye?

I sat back and watched … As you stole my light… Thought myself in love… So I didn’t put up much of a fight… Cuz you were it for me Crazy how you did me so dirty… But a dog always knows… Where he hides his favorite bone…

I left you alone Left you in peace But you get off Every time you shake up My feelings You look like you’re a man But truly you’re a beast What is it that you want from me?

I felt you in bones A closeness I had never really known But you swept the rug out From underneath my feet And stood in silence While I couldn’t breathe That’s not love I don’t think you every really knew What love was

A thorn in my side Puff up your ego While you try to steal all of my pride Haven’t you taken enough from my life? You don’t want me that’s perfectly fine I’ll sleep quite okay at night You may have left But let me be perfectly clear I’m the one who got away And I was alright But now I am angry So sit back and watch What I do out of spite.

So we’re being petty? You don’t like that I’m upset? Or that I’m angry? So what? You try to sensor me? As if I don’t have a right to feel EVERYTHING I’m feeling? Please. And then you have her message me? What was that supposed to do? Other then to cause some animosity… Was that the goal? Don’t like what I write? Don’t read it. It’s as simple as that. So, you tell her everything? Guess what? CONGRATS! Told you I was DONE So why start a commotion? If you want to be off my mind… No words should have been spoken. Or were you trying to get me to hate you? If so too late, I already do.

I hide in plain sight Always somewhere in the side lines Cheering you on With all of my might Except you don’t see me A ghost with too much feeling And I wonder if under it all You can sense me I wonder If you ever look for me Longing for you like this Makes me feel foolish Because I know That beneath the surface You never meant for it To turn out like this