“Don’t you dare call her. Not when we’re this close,” Daniel rips the phone out of my hand and shoves it into his bag. “Come on, Sasha, you know what needs to happen.”
“She has to know,” I stumble towards my phone, but Daniel’s glare holds me back.
“You’re not going to ruin this for us,” Daniel takes a step forward. “I’ve worked too damn hard, Sasha.”
“And what was the point of it all?” I seethe. “All that lying and blood and countless sins we committed? We worked for nothing, Daniel. I just want to go home.”
“You’re as much responsible for this as I am. We see it through until the end,” Daniel comes closer to me and places a hand on my shoulder. “Do you trust me?”
I nod slowly. Daniel smiles.
My eyes dart down to Daniel’s bag.
Daniel’s smile fades, but he’s too late to stop me.
I wrestle the phone into my grasp, sprinting away to the echo of Daniel’s shouts. My hands scramble across my phone screen as I run, shaking as I press down on her contact name.
“Sasha? What’s going on?”
“Mom, it’s me,” I try to keep the fear out of my voice, glancing behind my shoulder to see if Daniel is approaching. He’s not in sight and I pause behind a building. “Listen, there’s something I need to tell you. You need to —“
Suddenly, I’m face-down on the ground, eyes blurry and head reeling. As I attempt to focus on my surroundings, I hear the sickening sound of glass cracking on cement.
“The end of the world is coming soon enough, Sasha,” Daniel’s voice pounds through my skull. “Let’s not make it any quicker.”
I hiss, struggling to get off the ground. “Threatening me, Daniel? What we do tonight is going to destroy everything. Do you even care?”
“Sasha, I care about keeping your mouth shut,” Daniel’s foot sends me slamming back into the cement. “You won’t need to be silent for long, anyway. By tomorrow it will all be over.”
“The lives of everyone I love will be over too!” I bite down the pain. “I can’t deal with this. This was only supposed to be a harmless experiment.”
“I’m giving you two options,” Daniel sends his foot deeper into my spine. “One, you live and don’t tell a soul about our project. Two…well, that’s definitely the less fun option.”
“What am I supposed to do?” I wince, the world spinning. “Just act like everything’s normal?”
“Exactly. The only way you’ll get to see your mother again is if you don’t say a thing.”
“Fine,” I spit out the word like it’s a curse.
Daniel’s foot loosens and I lift my head up. His face holds no remorse. “One final goodbye, all right? But I’ll be watching.”
I nod and this time, I don’t rebel.
…
“Sasha, darling? What happened to you? Is everything all right?” my mother rushes towards me, embracing me in a hug. “I was so worried and you just hung up and —“
“I’m fine, Momma,” I squeeze her tight. “I promise, nothing’s wrong.”
“Honey, are you sure? Your face looks all bruised! Can I get you an ice pack? I can bake you some of your favorite cookies!”
“No need, I just tripped and hit the curb,” I try to let out a convincing chuckle.
“But you said you needed to tell me something,” my mother looks me in the eye. “Honey, tell me what you were going to say.”
I hesitate, tears brimming in my eyes. Daniel, in the distance, shakes his head.
I pull her in for another hug. “I’m sorry. It seems like I hit my head hard…I have forgotten.”
“Maryann, I thought we said no more murdering at birthday parties,” my mom glares at me and I shrug. She sighs and returns to chopping carrots. “Frankly, it makes us look unprofessional.”
I roll my eyes and throw my scarlet-stained hands into the air. “Oh, come on. Shadowy alleyways are just so overrated. Like, yeah, we get it, you suck at your job. Broad daylight means you get a cooler scene.”
“It also means you get a lifetime sentence,” she stops slicing carrots to look at me. “You remember what happened to Nana.”
“Nana doesn’t have much life sentence left to serve,” I giggle a little bit, and my mom frowns. “What? It’s true. She’s like 83.”
“And just like you, she got a little too careless,” my mom points her kitchen knife at me and instinctively I flip open my pocket knife. We stare at each other for a moment, weapons hovering in the air.
My mom lowers her kitchen knife and shakes her head. Flecks of blood are in her hair. “I just want you to be careful. I love you and this job isn’t easy.”
I flip shut my pocket knife and smile gently at her.
“Mom, you’ve made me into the most ruthless, cold-hearted woman the world will ever know. It would be physically impossible to raise a more evil human being.”
“You really think so?” she beams at me.
“I know so,” I walk over to her and take her hands in mine. “Now let’s go decapitate some dude at the zoo.”
Gather round, wee lads And I’ll tell you a tale Of a man with some bagpipes And the voice of a gale
Through tunnels and caves He traveled the trails A song in his throat With the voice of a gale
On the cliffs of Clanyard Bay In the breeze fairies sailed Winds echoed of his music Ah, the voice of a gale!
I’ll tell you now, lads Pride is foolish and stale This man heeded only him And his voice of the gale
He disturbed Clanyard’s fairies Pierced through that silky veil And the music turned noxious Curse that voice of the gale!
And the foolish man kept playing He was warned, to no avail So the fairies took him down No more piper, no more gale.
Some say they hear his song A piper ghost, ever pale So lads, do listen close To the voice of the gale
“Um, are you sure you’re God? You’re a lot shorter than I expected,” I glance over at the 9-year-old girl in the unicorn t-shirt sitting across from me. She slurps some strawberry milk and gestures for me to drink my coffee. I take a sip and try to swallow my disbelief.
“People call me lots of names,” she starts to count her stubby fingers, “Creator, Supreme Being, Deity, Idol. If you like the word God best, then yes, I’m God.”
I set down my coffee and sigh. “Look, I’ve always wanted the secrets to the universe. I’ve looked up to the idea of you for as long as I can remember and spent half my life savings just to have coffee with you. So if you’re truly God, you better give me some answers or I’m getting out of here.”
She giggles. “Do you think life is an egg? You can’t just crack it open and expect to find its inner meaning.”
“So what, am I supposed to spend another four years in philosophy classes?” I grit my teeth. “Because trust me, I’ve thought about life’s meaning. A lot. And even though I worry about it constantly, I’ve gotten nowhere. Isn’t God supposed to provide some magical solve-all?”
“Imagine what the world would be like if fixed every problem. If every time you had an issue, it was suddenly resolved. If instead of learning, you were stagnant,” God finishes the last of her strawberry drink, leaving a faint pink milk mustache above her lips. “I’m not a solve-all. That would defeat any meaning to begin with.”
“So life’s big secret is agony?” I shake my head. “There’s no way. You mean to tell me humans are designed to constantly suffer?”
“Humans are designed to grow,” God leans forward, “But that means growing pains. The things you go through aren’t meant to make you suffer. It’s meant to make you stronger.”
“Then I must be a bodybuilder by now,” I chuckle. “Speaking of growing, why do you look so young?”
“Just as you must grow, I must not.”
I scoff. “You speak in riddles. I’m going to have to grab an interpreter when I get home.”
God offers me a sad smile. “I’m afraid that’s not possible.”
“Why?”
She pauses, and the clinking of coffee mugs fills the air. She’s silent for a moment more, and I wonder if it’s possible that I stumped a supposedly Almighty Being. Finally, she claps her hands and the world around us melts into emptiness. I whirl my head around, God and I drowning in a never-ending sea of white.
I try to stop myself from panicking. “Um, what just happened? Where are we?”
“Where you’ve been this whole time,” God smiles. “Welcome to the afterlife.”
The devil’s doormat choice was concerning, but even more troubling was the smile on his face.
“I got it from the local Hot Topic,” he beams at me, sitting down to trace the cursive Live, Laugh, Die on the doormat. Skulls and butterflies float around the words. “You know, it’s shocking, but sometimes humans actually make quality things. They really aren’t complete morons.”
I scoff and his cheeks turn redder than his horns.
“Present company excluded, of course,” he hurriedly rushes out. “Wouldn’t want to disrespect your phenomenal leadership.”
If anyone was a moron, it’d be this damn devil cradling this doormat like it’s a demon baby. I’m disappointed in him, but only slightly. What he lacks in common sense, he more than makes up for in brutality.
“Let’s get to business,” I pull out the latest stack of documents and the devil’s eyes gleam. “There are 67 new recruits arriving by next Tuesday. As always, it’s essential you follow the script. No more of this ‘Live, Laugh, Die’ funny business. You’re supposed to be a professional in the torture field, after all.”
His shoulders droop. “Oh, come on. Would you deny a comedian his favorite joke?”
“Without a doubt,” I look at the doormat again and shudder. “Without a doubt.”
He sighs. “Fine, fine. I guess I’ll have to be boring. So what’s the new batch like?”
“You’ll figure it out if you read the files,” I drop the stack on the doormat and the devil flinches. I swear to Satan, this doormat is like his lover. “And do read them this time. If I hear another incident of some pyromaniac catching on fire, I won’t be pleased.”
“You got it, sir,” he stands up, stumbles a little bit, and then grins. “They’ll be feeling like hell in no time.”
