I dream with you always. You’re the only one I can see. My senses aren’t mine With you I get to be free Always, ‘till the end of time

I look at down my skin, The colors and tones my mother gave me. But I see the red under my skin And the hate it causes.

When I say it, they laugh, Even though it’s who I am. My identify— My code and binary

But it will forever be binary Just one or the other. I’m white or black. Not mixed, like my mother.

11/15/24

Today I found a little coffee shop on the corner. When I walked in, I couldn’t help but delight in the delicious smell of the pumpkin bread and the heater sending out warm air. Music was gently playing.

A sign above the checkout was decorated for Christmas. Mosaics of red and green sprawled it. The word ‘Christmas’ went across it, written in calligraphy.

There was a seat tucked away in the corner—a booth. It had soft yellow lights on the top of it and a large table to work at.

I walk towards it and set down my laptop. I collapsed into the soft cushion, letting out a sign of relief. M_aybe I should grab something_, I said to myself, getting up and walking towards the front.

I was overwhelmed by the smell of drinks and breads and other items. The cashier looked at me kindly as I decided on what I would like.

“May I get the Christmas Delight Coffee with only 2 pumps of caramel?” I asked.

“Sure.” She replied, going to make the drink. After a moment, she came back. “That’ll be $3.”

I paid with my phone, thanking her and heading back to my cozy booth. The coffee let out a pleasing aroma and steamed. As I sat there, I couldn’t help but notice the beauty of this place. Although I certainly didn’t want to work, I knew in my heart that this was the best I could make it.

I am Nothing.

I feel Nothing.

I do Nothing.

My emotions fade quickly At the same speed they came I’m boring and monotonous I don’t have wealth or fame.

I handle Nothing.

Notice how when I’m trying, No one cares. But yet when you do it, You’re the center of attention.

Take That.

The twists and turns you make my stomach feel, Make me want to die But yet when it’s you complaining, Everyone comforts you.

Take that.

The way I look at you, I try to show you, The damage you do me But yet when I look at you, You’re concerned

Take that.

1 and 2 and 3 leave for you, Yet, I want all of you. I don’t enjoy being like this. The way I envy you from afar

It just makes me want to Take that.

The way that the ice feels When you pour it over my head Makes me feel like I’m new And refreshed.

I hate the way the fridge makes sounds That disrupt my sleep. And I hate the way the ice hits my tooth And sends shivers down my spine.

The way the ice feels After minutes in my hand. The way it makes me go numb And I feel nothing And void and gone yet fine.

I hate it when the ice is out. I love it when it’s here. I miss the ice terribly.

I want to stomp the snow on the ground Until it’s nothing but dust on my shoe. And slam my shoes onto the carpet Before I run back up to my room.

But, oh, how I miss the frost. And how I miss when it was snowing. I want it back. Or maybe I want the rest back.

I chase after people Who don't really care about me. And I chase after people. Who could care less about me.

So why am I choosing the people that I DEBATE? And why am I just a fish's BAIT?

The people I chase, They're translucent. Seeable, but not really. Kind, but not dearly.

But they change me, And morph me, Until I'm just like them.

(this goes out to S)

I sit atop my throne But yet I can’t help but cry. For all my loves and all my items Have died.

With my things have come suffering And my idols have brought nothing. The side of me I wished would set sail Has prevailed.

The shadow of the moon… It casts. And the effect it has on me It lasts.

And I stare into it, I could stare all day. And what I see, Can’t help but stay away

She walks towards me, Full of grace. And when I see her, I know she’s not face.

Hail Mary I saw her. Face to face.