Dennis sinned,

He did, eh?

Made edam,

Dog food do of God....

Christine Banks, Christine Banks,

Christine Banks and her flabby shanks,

On every weekday morning,

With stomach grumbling and moaning,

Christine donned her slimming sexy spanks.

She came down to breakfast with glee,

Slavering at the thought of what delights

there’d be,

But before she ate, she thought of her weight,

And decided on two croissants, not three.

But it was on one hungry morning,

As sh...

Russell was born in a public toilet addicted to heroin. His mother was an alcoholic, drug addict and prostitute who didn’t even know she was pregnant. The one saving grace was that he didn’t have HIV and may eventually grow up healthy. After the paramedics had fished him from the bowl and resuscitated him, he recovered well and was finally found foster parents who weren’t so proud to be put off by...

The leaf knew it was in for a rough day. The wind was in a huff and was puffing and blowing like a bull with a migraine. The leaf also knew it wasn’t alone. Millions of other leaves were in for it too. They all, like it, didn’t want to lose their grip on their master, the tree. They were both master and servant but also one in the same.

It’s little known, the leaf mused, that once summer is over ...

There lived a lonely woman in London,

Who was once invited out for luncheon,

Despite her small size,

She ate lots of pies,

And let out a fart that smelt of raw onion....

Mary had said she didn’t want anything today. She’d had a full English with all the trimming for breakfast and was full to bursting. Tony sat opposite her and smiled.

“You sure luv?” he asked as dug into his chicken and leek pie.

“I’m fine darling. I’ll save myself for tea.”

Tony knew she really wanted a sweet but ever since they’d both retired she had started saying she was watching her weight....

Grey clouds blanketing

Random drops on the window

Fountain of being...

A bird with the runs,

Flies overhead of my taxi,

Drops on the window....

Good God Mike! I was having the most unfeasibly foul smelling defecation this morning and I thought to myself, ‘How’s my old Canuck mate in Nippon doing? I wonder if he’s still as chipper as a chipping thing, braving the foibles of life among the vertically challenged but ever so ever polite Japanese brethren?’ I’m sure by now your teeny weeny has taken to hibernation after severe overindulgence ...